#dedpxl01

Zack Arias recently started up an Assignments section on his new sub-blog, DEDPXL. I haven't shot a ton in the past 6 months (even for personal work), so I thought it would be awesome to jump in and see how well I can follow directions.... :-)

This assignments was "lines" which I found to be quite difficult. You see, When I think "lines" I think straight lines. Always. This little phenomenon of "only straight lines" pissed off my art teacher in college to no end. In this assignment, all of the shots are from my Android using the Vignette app.

So without further stalling:

Based on these results, my filter for black and white conversions is well beyond "a little muddy" and it would be useful for me to take a look at my phone photos on my color-balanced monitor more often. The top 2 photos are basically how I saw them in my head, while the last one I could have turned down the dark corners a little. Beyond that... I'm hoping for a C since I have a really hard time with following directions. :-)

Building a book & Having good teachers

Hey!

I finally fought my way through building a book: The same book I promised Zack Arias that I'd deliver to him this past May. I had the book printed by Kiss Albums. Here is the unboxing:


The little 4" book isn't big enough to send to anyone, but now that I know it'll look awesome I can send anyone the big one after I get the big one printed.

SO... Yeah: I know... I'm 6 months late on my promise. Why? I finished the book in February and was ready to send it to print when I realized that something didn't feel right. I had spent hours and weeks making this book something that Zack would approve of since his approval means SO much to me. I shot photos I thought he would find interesting. I composed using rule of thirds. I had both lit and natural light shots in it. I showed that I don't just show any photo I think is "okay"....

Then it hit me.

I made the book for Zack.... not for myself. My book lacked MY SOUL. I made the photos but I made them in a way that I didn't love in order to impress my teacher.

I tossed the entire book and started over.

So now that I've made the book for myself.... showing the work that I've not only done but the work I want to continue to do...... Zack is going to hate it. Meg (Zack's "better 7/8ths") is REALLY going to hate it. It's okay. At some point I'm going to have to pony up to the fact that a lot of people are going to hate my work and the only answer is to get used to it. But even if Zack hates it... it accurately shows where I'm at and where I'd like to go... It's more honest... and that's what all of my influences seem to find to be important:

Just in case you're reading this, Zack... YES. You're my Teacher and that title means more to me than I could explain in a blog post.... Maybe over coffee in the ATL.

Right back where I started

Last year, before I went to Seattle to be a part of creativeLIVE, I was really struggling with my work. I didn't like any of the photos I was making. I was struggling to get my technical skills down. I have new clue what my style was... I looked at the photos I was making. I hated my work.

Now, fast forward one year....

Damnit.. I've revolved around this Earth once like everyone else and I don't see any progress. I mean, I know I've progressed, but when I look back to see my footprints I can't see them. It's like I'm walking through quicksand and my steps disappear behind me as my whole body is being sucked underneath. I gotta keep moving forward though... I'm hoping that it'll be like an adventure film where the dude gets sucked into the quicksand only to discover that he's not really dying... he's being deposited into a secret tomb of an ancient civilization. A tomb he never would have discovered had he heeded the ominous words on the "Danger! Quicksand!" sign...

Anyways, I digest...

er.... digress.

Don't get me wrong: I know I'm moving forward with this thing... My biggest indicator is that I look at my old work (namely, stuff that Zack saw along with thousands of others during my live critique ::shudder::) and I'm totally embarrassed by it. They feel identical to when I was 15 years-old and my parents were pulling out photo albums of me when I was a kid and showing my girlfriends photos with spaghetti mess on my face. Ya, someone thinks it's cute and there's nothing I can do about it. The photos of me as a kid have merit, and memories, and all sorts of intrinsic value that I can't even begin to realize yet... I'm not far enough removed from them to appreciate where I've been.... Why? Because I can't see where I'm going yet.

But... am I really supposed to see where I'm headed?

I've been trying to formulate a business plan... A real business plan. One that includes words on a page that I wrote of where I'm headed and how I plan to get there. Right now, I can't make the barbaric English language work for me. I have these ideas in my head of all these different avenues to take but not really any given conveyance with which to take them.


Exempli Gratia:

I've been loving the headshots of local talent that I've been doing... but I'm not always doing it the way that Zack showed me. They're not vertical. They're not singular. They're horizontal and with context. I haven't gotten a direct hold of a talent agent in town yet, but all the clients tell me is,"my agent said not to shoot anything cliche`." Okay... I'll shoot it how I want to then. They're happy. I'm happy. Now, how do I spread the word that I wrote my own playbook?

I've really enjoyed the boudoir work that I've made this year. It's not really light, or airy, or happy like I've seen others do. It's actually rather dark... contrasty... moody... I love it! I definitely don't want to try to appeal to everyone, but I feel like I might be appealing to no one except myself. Frankly, I'm okay with that... but it does make the task of feeding my family rather difficult.

I did quite a bit of experimental work this year too: Work that was a concept that roared to life as soon as everyone was on the same page. I find it interesting that this work turns black and white so sharply. I may have been enveloped in film noir at the time... That always helps produce some interesting work. In case you haven't seen it, I recommend Cat People.

Flying out to Tennessee and shooting a costume-design book for Leah D'Andrea was probably my favorite job this year. It was an awesome collaboration and it worked out very well. Well enough that we're in talks about doing it again this year (Pick me! Pick me! Pick me!). It was fun because Leah and everyone that modeled for us were completely down to Earth and awesome to work with. I really hope that I continue to make her happy with my work and that we expand to more elaborate projects. I have ideas in my head and I hope that I can shoot them for her.

I've shot a number of families and kids this year as well. Although I enjoy this type of work and getting to know my subjects, I feel like I'm not the style that most families want.... I actually removed my public-facing "Family" gallery from my site and the my family numbers didn't change at all. I thought if I removed the gallery the phone would quit ringing... but it didn't. It's almost as if the families I've been appealing to have simply been friends, referrals, or that they truly like the other work I have done already. I need more people to trust me, but families feel like the last people to get on board.


(no photo to post here. I don't shoot weddings. move along)

I've successfully told 6 people this year (2011) the same thing: No, I don't shoot weddings. Why did I say "No" to money? That's easy: They hadn't really seen my work. (well... that's only mostly true... One bride has been following what I've been doing...) Just because I'm a photographer doesn't mean that shooting weddings is my "Dream Job." Far from it. When I get asked to shoot one and I respond with,"Have you seen what I've been working on lately?" I shouldn't hear crickets on the other end of the line. If I'm going to spend 8 hours on a Saturday pouring my life into art, that Bride needs to appreciate what I'm working on for her. I'm not "documenting a special moment in time" as-they-say... I'm creating works of art in which they're the center of it. They're the Mona Lisa. They're the David. Maybe that sounds presumptuous of me... Maybe. But I'm not a photographer for the money. I'm a photographer to feed my soul that "something" that I haven't found in any 9-5 that I've had.

So, this year I have declined weddings and recommended two other happy-wedding photographers that would probably meet their needs better than I can. They love weddings and they were born to shoot them... I was not born to shoot them, so I'm happy to send them the referral. (Just like this: Kevin is a badass, and Kerinsa is awesome as well.) Would I second shoot for a friend if they asked? Of course I would and probably for free. If they did want to pay me I wouldn't mind. ;-) I like the camaraderie of it all and not feeling the pressure of trying to make art would be kinda nice: Second shooters aren't asked to make art... They're asked to mimic, to duplicate, to schlep bags. No pressure. ;-)


So there's the different paths I've come across this year. Writing them out just now was actually fairly helpful. Maybe I can actually sit down with someone awesome like Sherri Innis and get my shit straightened out. I suppose for having completed only 1 calendar year in business I should be happy with what I've achieved, but I have so far to go. Not to mention that I ramble on and on... I'm dead tired and I need to go lay down...and probably sleep.

I struggle with telling a story... OR "f8 and be there" ain't working for me.

(Hey! Look at me! I uploaded a vertical shot!)

I'm not sure what's been wrong with me lately. I feel like I can't create anything new. I feel like I'm not taking steps forward with my photography. I feel like I'm actually moving backwards.

Winter is always the slow season. Everything slows down except for retailers. Since don't normally book any clients for when it's Below Zero in Colorado I decided to start a new project this winter just to keep moving things along... to keep shooting... to try to work on my story telling. I'm starting the project later this week when an awesome model, Melissa, sits down in front of my camera... But I'm feeling like I'm lost. I want to tell the story of someone I've never met, and Melissa is giving me that opportunity. I can't help but to feel that I'm disconnected somehow.... That I'm completely missing something right in front of me.

I finished watching (parts of it...missed the beginning) Chase Jarvis Live for his talk about building a portfolio and getting it reviewed. I really felt that I was on the right track to getting some new work done to be able to send to Zack Arias and Chase Jarvis (and possibly others that have no idea it's coming) in order to see if I had taken a step forward since my creativeLIVE experience (you know, the one I'm always talking about because it was life-changing...). Watching the talk today I realized that even now I have further to go than I thought... That is road I'm on won't lead to being an "expert photographer" until 3 months before I die of old age. I'm going to be struggling with this stupid light-tight box until I'm dead... but for some reason I had the delusions of grandeur that I'd be really good right now. My clients are more than happy... but for me that hasn't been enough. I'm not happy yet. I need to push harder.

Other photographers could hold the measuring stick up to me and I'd fall way short in their eyes. I shoot darker sets... I don't light from every possible angle... I don't want "happy" photos.... I don't shoot photos that are perfect... I don't run them through the photoshop mill until they're unrecognizable. What's worse is that newer photographers think that they're good when they're awful. This new society of photographers is a mess. It's awesome, but everyone thinks that they're the next (your favorite photographer here). Am I awful and I just don't know it? Knowing how exposure works and how to get an image from my camera to print is one thing... but telling a story and communicating what I'm talking about.... it's so much harder. It's become apparent to me that I need to tell more stories... I need the practice... I need the depth in my photos.

Shooting Models isn't going to give me depth in my photos. I need to shoot Actors. Models might be able to stand there and look cute, but I need people who can emote... who can cry... who can feel something while I'm shooting them.

What will help me? I need to find regular people with stories to tell... but most people are SO FREAKING HESITANT to tell their stories! I mean, who wants to tell a story about what they had for breakfast? Who wants to tell a story about how they ripped their jeans on the way to work? Who wants to tell a story about the time that their house got broken into and their hard drives and electronics were stolen of their infant daughter... the same infant that was just diagnosed with a terminal disease? Some stories seem to mundane for people to even remember. Other stories are so painful that they might not want to think about them...

I'm lost. I know what I'm doing, but I don't know what I'm doing. Being able to push a shutter button isn't enough. I'm not moving forward from this point until I figure out where I should be headed.... even if where I'm headed isn't where I end up. I need to do something unexpected.

I feel like Cassandra

It occurred to me while chatting with Daphne Chan that I feel like the Greek Mythology figure, Cassandra. If you haven't read Edith Hamilton's Mythology recently I'll save you the pain-staking detail and relate that Cassandra was a mortal that Apollo found to be quite beautiful. Beautiful enough, in fact, that he gave her the gift of prophesy. When she did not return his love he cursed her so that no one would believe her prophesies. She had predicted the Battle of Troy along with the Greek Deception of the Trojan Horse, but no one would believe her as a part of her blessing with a curse.

(Okay Jeremy, get to the point... You're a nerd and you like Mythology.)


My point is this... I read Zack Arias' latest blog post on the rundown of how to build your book and it reminded me that I promised Zack and Chase that I'd make a book and send it their way... Sort of a "Did I take a step forward this year?" type of thing... I might even send one to David E Jackson while I'm at it... I love that guy. Then I realized that it's been nearly 6 months since the class in Seattle....Already! It's crept up on me like creeps like to do.

It feels like I have made some progress but while going through my work I found that I have holes in my work, but more interestingly I've found that I have extra work that doesn't fit in my book. The above photo (a model by the name of Cassie, btw...she fits well withe the Cassandra story...) doesn't fit anywhere right now. I'm seriously considering shooting more work like this. I LOVE this look.... 1)It's moody as hell. 2)This is the look I get when experimenting. 3)It feels like I'm actually working my ass off to try new things. I really think my photos are awful, but when I hit this type of stride it feels like I'm batting .100 instead of striking out. Grounders to Right Field anyone?

The point is: I don't know what to do with work like this. I don't know where it's going to fit.... but I have this insatiable desire to shoot more of it. More stuff you don't see all the time. I hate the Smiley-Cute-CookieCutter shit. Everyone shoots that. If you hire me to shoot it, I'll totally do it for you and work my ass off for great photos to make you happy...but my soul needs more than that. This work is simple to pull off... but it makes me happy... I'm working at being happy.... and that's so freakin hard.

Do you understand?

Photo 101

I've had a few requests here in Denver to teach a photo workshop. At first, all I could think of is me in a room full of people blabbering endlessly about things that bore the tar out of people. Then, I thought about how much I don't know that I don't know. What I do know is that I have so much further to go. I constantly look up to those further up the food chain that I am in order to learn more. I fired my first off-camera flash to The Strobist Blog. I've watched my copy of the Zack Arias creativeLIVE videos every week since May when I got back from that workshop. I've been relatively diligent about watching Scott Kelby's - The Grid every week as well. Information that David duChemin gives out I eat up like candy on Easter. The truth is I know that I need to give back to newer photographers what's been given to me. I'm not an expert photographer; WPPI hasn't left me a voicemail saying they'd like to have me teach a workshop, but frankly there are people around me that are asking for my help.

That's when it occurred to me: All photographers are looking up for help. The further up they get... the fewer people they can look up to for help, but they're still looking. Secondly, anyone who is teaching a workshop is saying something profound whether they realize it or not. They're saying "This is what I've learned.... so far." I'd bet money that Zack's One Light Workshop was less inclusive and less intensive 5 years ago that it is today. The quality of the workshop has gone up, which means it's increasing in value even as he increases the cost of the workshop. Can I show up and charge $1600 for a photo workshop? Hell No! What I can do is show up and share what I've learned. If it's useful to people than I did something productive. If I share opinions for a few hours I probably should have just had a Google Hangout and talked shop for a bit. (FYI: No one listens to the Pentax Guy while talking shop; I just look weird and antiquated.) I probably know more than I can explain back to someone right now, but I gotta start somewhere.

(Get to the point, Jeremy)

Okay, so I'm writing an outline of what I'd like to teach during a Photo 101 workshop:

1. Photo 101
1. Camera handling
1. What are these stupid buttons for?
2. "P" is not for "Professional"
3. What is necessary versus What is nice to have
2. Exposure Triangle
1. Aperture
2. Shutter Speed
3. ISO
4. Reciprocals
3. Evaluating Exposure
1. Your LCD is not a good tool to evaluate exposure...
2. The Meter
3. The Histogram
4. Glass handling
1. DOF
2. Expansion/Compression
3. Follow rules now, break rules later (aka Don't be Jeremy Corbin)
5. Application
1. How can we put this information into practice?
2. I just assigned you to shoot X, how would you shoot X?
3. Good, now go shoot X and see if your solution worked.
1. Like... right now.... GO!
4. Rinse and Repeat

(Dude! You just gave away your entire outline! Now I'll go start my own workshop!) Sure! Do It! Help People! ... If you really know what you're doing!

As you can see, the target audience is a complete newbie in photography. It makes no assumptions as to the student's level of skill and brings the student up to a knowledgeable but incompetent level. ("Incompetent?" Dude, that's pretty harsh...) Yes it is harsh. You can give someone the technical information about photography but unless they go out and practice the snot out of it (ew... gross visual) the information won't sink in and it'll blow away like a seed in the wind. The seed needs planted, fertilized, and watered for it to become anything productive. Without practicing it's not possible to really understand what the information is.

When I got back from Seattle I completely trashed my portfolio. Zack tore me to shreds... I sucked. I cried. I got home. I made plans.... I shot more... went back to the drawing board.... and repeated that process. Now, hopefully I suck just a little less. In 10 years I hope to not suck anymore. In 20 years I'd like to actually be a good photographer. This whole thing reminds me of a saying I know from a former life:

"The Warrior is a man that dedicates his life to the cause which made him what he is. What governs the Warrior is the foresight that he has to see beyond the present and into the future, beyond the capabilities of those who follow him...."

The saying continues on from there... the "he/she" thing aside what I've been thinking about is substituting the word "Warrior" with the word 'Photographer" so I can apply it to myself in my life now:

"The Photographer is a man that dedicates his life to the cause which made him what he is. What governs the Photographer is the foresight that he has to see beyond the present and into the future, beyond the capabilities of those who follow him...."

I'm looking forward to my teachers just as they are looking forward to theirs. Whose to say that someone can't look forward to me while they're just getting started? The whole cycle sounds like a Win-Win to me.

Anyway, I'm done rambling. I've got to make a shot list so I can show some examples during the class. Models don't usually like to hang out first thing in the morning while I figure out what I'm doing.

Personal Work

If there is one thing that I've learned from Chase Jarvis (among the billion things I've learned from him, of course) it's the importance of doing work on your own and getting it out there. I've been trying to build this little One-Man-Show of mine since September 2010 and I've been trying to hammer a ton of personal work. (OMG I realized I'm almost to my 1-year anniversary...) Why did I start doing so much personal work? Because Chase and Zack told me to.


At first I questioned using my time to do personal work. "I'm not getting paid, so I'm losing money," I thought. Then I realized that no one can hire me they've seen what I'm capable of. So I started shooting for myself, often taking non-paying gigs but taking creative control over the gig as payment. (Push-Pull). Then I started creating opportunities to start initiating personal work, even collaborating with other creatives... Like Leah D'Andrea (she's awesome, btw).


After being in Zack's creativeLIVE class, I realized I wasn't moving fast enough. My work sucked. Earlier photos in my short career were still on my site, and sucking the life out of me. I decided to put as much distance between me and my old work as I could... by doing new work. Then my new work was still falling into Ira Glass' "Creative Gap" so I decided to make newer work. Finally, I was able to show some of my new work to my good friend Carolina Yocom. She noticed a vast improvement in my work in the past three months. I finally felt that I'm getting enough distance between myself and my old work. So I stopped doing personal work.


Hell no! Are you kidding me!?


I'll never stop doing personal work, much to my lovely wife's dismay. I need to shoot for me as much as I possibly can! I've been told that when my business starts running like a freight train I won't have time to do personal work anymore. What I've decided to do is to schedule personal work on such a regular basis that it'll feel wrong to miss doing it: Like skipping a workout or dinner with my family.


So get out there and shoot what you want to shoot! You never know how long this ride might last, so take advantage of it!