Last year, before I went to Seattle to be a part of creativeLIVE, I was really struggling with my work. I didn't like any of the photos I was making. I was struggling to get my technical skills down. I have new clue what my style was... I looked at the photos I was making. I hated my work.
Now, fast forward one year....
Damnit.. I've revolved around this Earth once like everyone else and I don't see any progress. I mean, I know I've progressed, but when I look back to see my footprints I can't see them. It's like I'm walking through quicksand and my steps disappear behind me as my whole body is being sucked underneath. I gotta keep moving forward though... I'm hoping that it'll be like an adventure film where the dude gets sucked into the quicksand only to discover that he's not really dying... he's being deposited into a secret tomb of an ancient civilization. A tomb he never would have discovered had he heeded the ominous words on the "Danger! Quicksand!" sign...
Anyways, I digest...
er.... digress.
Don't get me wrong: I know I'm moving forward with this thing... My biggest indicator is that I look at my old work (namely, stuff that Zack saw along with thousands of others during my live critique ::shudder::) and I'm totally embarrassed by it. They feel identical to when I was 15 years-old and my parents were pulling out photo albums of me when I was a kid and showing my girlfriends photos with spaghetti mess on my face. Ya, someone thinks it's cute and there's nothing I can do about it. The photos of me as a kid have merit, and memories, and all sorts of intrinsic value that I can't even begin to realize yet... I'm not far enough removed from them to appreciate where I've been.... Why? Because I can't see where I'm going yet.
But... am I really supposed to see where I'm headed?
I've been trying to formulate a business plan... A real business plan. One that includes words on a page that I wrote of where I'm headed and how I plan to get there. Right now, I can't make the barbaric English language work for me. I have these ideas in my head of all these different avenues to take but not really any given conveyance with which to take them.
Exempli Gratia:
I've been loving the headshots of local talent that I've been doing... but I'm not always doing it the way that Zack showed me. They're not vertical. They're not singular. They're horizontal and with context. I haven't gotten a direct hold of a talent agent in town yet, but all the clients tell me is,"my agent said not to shoot anything cliche`." Okay... I'll shoot it how I want to then. They're happy. I'm happy. Now, how do I spread the word that I wrote my own playbook?
I've really enjoyed the boudoir work that I've made this year. It's not really light, or airy, or happy like I've seen others do. It's actually rather dark... contrasty... moody... I love it! I definitely don't want to try to appeal to everyone, but I feel like I might be appealing to no one except myself. Frankly, I'm okay with that... but it does make the task of feeding my family rather difficult.
I did quite a bit of experimental work this year too: Work that was a concept that roared to life as soon as everyone was on the same page. I find it interesting that this work turns black and white so sharply. I may have been enveloped in film noir at the time... That always helps produce some interesting work. In case you haven't seen it, I recommend Cat People.
Flying out to Tennessee and shooting a costume-design book for Leah D'Andrea was probably my favorite job this year. It was an awesome collaboration and it worked out very well. Well enough that we're in talks about doing it again this year (Pick me! Pick me! Pick me!). It was fun because Leah and everyone that modeled for us were completely down to Earth and awesome to work with. I really hope that I continue to make her happy with my work and that we expand to more elaborate projects. I have ideas in my head and I hope that I can shoot them for her.
I've shot a number of families and kids this year as well. Although I enjoy this type of work and getting to know my subjects, I feel like I'm not the style that most families want.... I actually removed my public-facing "Family" gallery from my site and the my family numbers didn't change at all. I thought if I removed the gallery the phone would quit ringing... but it didn't. It's almost as if the families I've been appealing to have simply been friends, referrals, or that they truly like the other work I have done already. I need more people to trust me, but families feel like the last people to get on board.
(no photo to post here. I don't shoot weddings. move along)
I've successfully told 6 people this year (2011) the same thing: No, I don't shoot weddings. Why did I say "No" to money? That's easy: They hadn't really seen my work. (well... that's only mostly true... One bride has been following what I've been doing...) Just because I'm a photographer doesn't mean that shooting weddings is my "Dream Job." Far from it. When I get asked to shoot one and I respond with,"Have you seen what I've been working on lately?" I shouldn't hear crickets on the other end of the line. If I'm going to spend 8 hours on a Saturday pouring my life into art, that Bride needs to appreciate what I'm working on for her. I'm not "documenting a special moment in time" as-they-say... I'm creating works of art in which they're the center of it. They're the Mona Lisa. They're the David. Maybe that sounds presumptuous of me... Maybe. But I'm not a photographer for the money. I'm a photographer to feed my soul that "something" that I haven't found in any 9-5 that I've had.
So, this year I have declined weddings and recommended two other happy-wedding photographers that would probably meet their needs better than I can. They love weddings and they were born to shoot them... I was not born to shoot them, so I'm happy to send them the referral. (Just like this: Kevin is a badass, and Kerinsa is awesome as well.) Would I second shoot for a friend if they asked? Of course I would and probably for free. If they did want to pay me I wouldn't mind. ;-) I like the camaraderie of it all and not feeling the pressure of trying to make art would be kinda nice: Second shooters aren't asked to make art... They're asked to mimic, to duplicate, to schlep bags. No pressure. ;-)
So there's the different paths I've come across this year. Writing them out just now was actually fairly helpful. Maybe I can actually sit down with someone awesome like Sherri Innis and get my shit straightened out. I suppose for having completed only 1 calendar year in business I should be happy with what I've achieved, but I have so far to go. Not to mention that I ramble on and on... I'm dead tired and I need to go lay down...and probably sleep.
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