Right back where I started

Last year, before I went to Seattle to be a part of creativeLIVE, I was really struggling with my work. I didn't like any of the photos I was making. I was struggling to get my technical skills down. I have new clue what my style was... I looked at the photos I was making. I hated my work.

Now, fast forward one year....

Damnit.. I've revolved around this Earth once like everyone else and I don't see any progress. I mean, I know I've progressed, but when I look back to see my footprints I can't see them. It's like I'm walking through quicksand and my steps disappear behind me as my whole body is being sucked underneath. I gotta keep moving forward though... I'm hoping that it'll be like an adventure film where the dude gets sucked into the quicksand only to discover that he's not really dying... he's being deposited into a secret tomb of an ancient civilization. A tomb he never would have discovered had he heeded the ominous words on the "Danger! Quicksand!" sign...

Anyways, I digest...

er.... digress.

Don't get me wrong: I know I'm moving forward with this thing... My biggest indicator is that I look at my old work (namely, stuff that Zack saw along with thousands of others during my live critique ::shudder::) and I'm totally embarrassed by it. They feel identical to when I was 15 years-old and my parents were pulling out photo albums of me when I was a kid and showing my girlfriends photos with spaghetti mess on my face. Ya, someone thinks it's cute and there's nothing I can do about it. The photos of me as a kid have merit, and memories, and all sorts of intrinsic value that I can't even begin to realize yet... I'm not far enough removed from them to appreciate where I've been.... Why? Because I can't see where I'm going yet.

But... am I really supposed to see where I'm headed?

I've been trying to formulate a business plan... A real business plan. One that includes words on a page that I wrote of where I'm headed and how I plan to get there. Right now, I can't make the barbaric English language work for me. I have these ideas in my head of all these different avenues to take but not really any given conveyance with which to take them.


Exempli Gratia:

I've been loving the headshots of local talent that I've been doing... but I'm not always doing it the way that Zack showed me. They're not vertical. They're not singular. They're horizontal and with context. I haven't gotten a direct hold of a talent agent in town yet, but all the clients tell me is,"my agent said not to shoot anything cliche`." Okay... I'll shoot it how I want to then. They're happy. I'm happy. Now, how do I spread the word that I wrote my own playbook?

I've really enjoyed the boudoir work that I've made this year. It's not really light, or airy, or happy like I've seen others do. It's actually rather dark... contrasty... moody... I love it! I definitely don't want to try to appeal to everyone, but I feel like I might be appealing to no one except myself. Frankly, I'm okay with that... but it does make the task of feeding my family rather difficult.

I did quite a bit of experimental work this year too: Work that was a concept that roared to life as soon as everyone was on the same page. I find it interesting that this work turns black and white so sharply. I may have been enveloped in film noir at the time... That always helps produce some interesting work. In case you haven't seen it, I recommend Cat People.

Flying out to Tennessee and shooting a costume-design book for Leah D'Andrea was probably my favorite job this year. It was an awesome collaboration and it worked out very well. Well enough that we're in talks about doing it again this year (Pick me! Pick me! Pick me!). It was fun because Leah and everyone that modeled for us were completely down to Earth and awesome to work with. I really hope that I continue to make her happy with my work and that we expand to more elaborate projects. I have ideas in my head and I hope that I can shoot them for her.

I've shot a number of families and kids this year as well. Although I enjoy this type of work and getting to know my subjects, I feel like I'm not the style that most families want.... I actually removed my public-facing "Family" gallery from my site and the my family numbers didn't change at all. I thought if I removed the gallery the phone would quit ringing... but it didn't. It's almost as if the families I've been appealing to have simply been friends, referrals, or that they truly like the other work I have done already. I need more people to trust me, but families feel like the last people to get on board.


(no photo to post here. I don't shoot weddings. move along)

I've successfully told 6 people this year (2011) the same thing: No, I don't shoot weddings. Why did I say "No" to money? That's easy: They hadn't really seen my work. (well... that's only mostly true... One bride has been following what I've been doing...) Just because I'm a photographer doesn't mean that shooting weddings is my "Dream Job." Far from it. When I get asked to shoot one and I respond with,"Have you seen what I've been working on lately?" I shouldn't hear crickets on the other end of the line. If I'm going to spend 8 hours on a Saturday pouring my life into art, that Bride needs to appreciate what I'm working on for her. I'm not "documenting a special moment in time" as-they-say... I'm creating works of art in which they're the center of it. They're the Mona Lisa. They're the David. Maybe that sounds presumptuous of me... Maybe. But I'm not a photographer for the money. I'm a photographer to feed my soul that "something" that I haven't found in any 9-5 that I've had.

So, this year I have declined weddings and recommended two other happy-wedding photographers that would probably meet their needs better than I can. They love weddings and they were born to shoot them... I was not born to shoot them, so I'm happy to send them the referral. (Just like this: Kevin is a badass, and Kerinsa is awesome as well.) Would I second shoot for a friend if they asked? Of course I would and probably for free. If they did want to pay me I wouldn't mind. ;-) I like the camaraderie of it all and not feeling the pressure of trying to make art would be kinda nice: Second shooters aren't asked to make art... They're asked to mimic, to duplicate, to schlep bags. No pressure. ;-)


So there's the different paths I've come across this year. Writing them out just now was actually fairly helpful. Maybe I can actually sit down with someone awesome like Sherri Innis and get my shit straightened out. I suppose for having completed only 1 calendar year in business I should be happy with what I've achieved, but I have so far to go. Not to mention that I ramble on and on... I'm dead tired and I need to go lay down...and probably sleep.

What is my style?

One thing that I've been struggling with is this: What is my style? Everyone has a style. Style of hair, clothes, music, art, life.... and I think I have all of those nailed down for the most part, but one thing I haven't even found yet is my style of photography. I know I have one. I didn't even realize that my style was definable until about a month ago: I was meeting with a potential client and she said,"I just need to make sure that you can take the photos I want; You're style is very particular." It felt weird that someone recognized my style of photography before I did.

Here's what I know I like in my photos: (I'd post my own, but I didn't ask my subjects for permission to do that.)

• High Contrast - Even in Color; blacks are black and whites are white. I sometimes even go as far as to take shades close to whites and blacks and force them.
  
• Grain or noise - I like 400 ISO films, but it should all look intentional, not a lighting failure.
  
• Loss of detail - I love making portraits where you can't see the dark side of the face at all. I love a portrait I made for an expecting mother last year where your imagination creates the rest of the photo and forces the viewer to wonder what the rest looks like.
• Reality/Believability - I prefer to shoot real people in real situations. Fantasy shoots are awesome, but make them believable. If it looks faked, over-posed, or propped it's because it is. (See section on "ballerinas" below), and for the love of God keep your photoshop nonsense to a minimum. It's a tool to help communicate something, it's not supposed to be distracting or get in the way.
  

Here's what I know I hate in other's photos: (note you may have to log in to flickr) NSFW

• Blatant Nudes - Front shots of people are not flattering. Flickr is full of these shots. Tactful means tasteful. Better yet, make a photo of a person and not their junk.
  
• Plastic skin - No one looks like Barbie. It's the differences in us that make us interesting. Bring on scars and battle wounds, even if it was a fight you lost to your dishwasher! Whomever decided that we should start airbrushing everything away started the decline of humanity.
  
• Stargate Eyes - Again, another heaping pile of cow dung from "Photoshop Wizards." If it doesn't look real, it looks fake. I know that guy's eyes aren't brushed-his-teeth-in-chlorine White. Sure, hide the red eye, veins, and all that; I get that no one wants to look like they were high when they had the photo made, but for the love of Pete stop blowing their eyes out.
• Models are not Dancers - My wife is particularly hard on photos made of "Ballerinas" for this reason. Putting a model in a dancer's tutu does not make her a dancer any more than putting her in a garage makes her a car. Dancers everywhere cringe when a photographer puts a model in tights and a leotard and tells her to point her toes. Photographers: Please stop this practice or my wife (who has been a dancer most of her life) will come and punch you in the face. If you want a shot of a dancer, HIRE A DANCER.
• Stupid Boudoir Photos - Really, the whole point is to communicate the beauty of the subject and that's how you did that? Correction: That's how you failed to do that.
  

Beyond this stuff, I really don't know what my style is. Maybe even working photographers of 30 years don't know what their style is. I haven't met any in person. But I know that it takes 10 years to become a photographer and the rest of us are flailing around until something make sense and we cross the 10,000-hour/10-year-line. Until then, I'll keep using the "Favorite" function on flickr as a way to bookmark photos: Favorite to Love and Favorite to Hate.

What's your style? Do you have any idea what it is? Share it with me and we'll flail around together. :-)