Stagnation

I'd love to say that I've been completely inactive for the past 6 months because I'm working on some super-secret project.... but I can't.

I'd love to pretend that I'm the too-big-for-my-britches fancy-schmancy photographer that declares each project or job they've completed was a total success on facebook and other social media... but I can't.

I'd love to post 4 beautifully lit shots with a background story with this post... but I can't.

I haven't even been shooting much on my phone let alone anything proper.

I can't lie to myself and I can't lie to you: I haven't been shooting because I've been depressed... and I've been depressed because I haven't been shooting. I'm exceedingly aware of this detrimental reciprocity but I can't seem to pull out of it. It's certainly not due to a lack of trying; Plans and Shoots keep falling apart. Scheduling issues and not feeling well have been contributing to the issue as well. Grandparents have died, loved-ones are getting cancer, memories of disappointing old teachers...

So what's happening with me?
Did I define my niche' so well that the right client is as rare as triple rainbows?
Did I price myself so that I no longer lose money on each job only to discover that now no one can afford me?
Do I really suck at photography as much as the voice in my head says I do?
Did I decide to make work that's so random that it's not meant for general consumption?

It's quite the conundrum: On one hand, I'd love to be so busy with work that everyone books me for everything like I'm a brand-new photographer doing family sessions for $25 including a DVD of 1000 images... BUT... on the other hand I want my work to be paced properly and high-quality like the client just paid me $1000 for a single print on their wall. Does the price I place myself at matter as much as the work I make? Not at all, but watching social media lately it looks like everyone is suffering from Multiple Personality Disorder.

I'm beginning to see why photographers just shoot for themselves and declare to the world that they're Fine Art Photographers instead of trying to wrangle in clients that don't really "fit" their niche'... That sounds lovely right now: Paying subjects to sit down and be patient with me while I extract photos from idea precipitate, then sell huge, limited-edition prints of the work at the Artist's Market or consignment walls at the local pub to the correct client. Complete control over my process would be amazing.... Complete control over my life would be amazing.... but that's not what I have. That's not what any of us have. I have to make my time away from my family count for something and that means getting compensated in a way that's easy to calculate in US Dollars.

If you've made it this far through the post maybe you feel the same way about something in your own life. Most people keep these negative thoughts in their own head but I've been doing that for months and it hasn't been helping. I'd rather be complete honest about myself than pretend that I'm something that I'm not. "You shouldn't say that stuff because it's bad for your business!" Sure... Maybe... But if I'm lying to everyone about how awesome my life is isn't that just as bad?

Its time for a change. I'm off to schedule something awesome in hopes that it pans out.
What are you going to change in your own situation?

Selfie Challenge!!!! #3

Imagine that Voice-Over-Guy that does work for the Movies...

The Self Portrait Challenge.... One Man.... One Woman... taking photos of themselves....

Okay... that's enough of that.



Last Week, Carolina posted a lovely mirror shot, per my request. You can see the results of that photo here: Self Portrait Challenge, Round 2

Her Challenge in response to mine? "A photo booth type series with a different emotion in each photo."

Brutal. Showing emotions is really hard for me... Being happy is great and all, but showing other emotions honestly, and in public, can be really hard. It reminded me of the Japanese and how they have one "mask" that they put on at work and something else when they're being truthful... It's called Honne and Tatemae. You can read about it here: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Honne_and_tatemae


Anyway, with that in mind, and the fake emotions we put on, here is this week's submission:

Emote

Nerd Alert: Shot with my Android using Vignette with the "Holga" filter. Arranged in GIMP 2.6

Carolina, This week your challenge is to use off camera flash... but not just FOR your photo.... I want the Off Camera Flash to be IN the photo. ;-) (I'm sure you have a flash laying around somewhere....)

A or B?

So today I'm going to pull a "Chase Jarvis." ((No, I'm not going to jump on a plane and ski backwards while trying to get some great photos of snowboarders flying through the air...))

Chase has these interesting posts where he shows two photos and then asks his audience which one they like better and why. Why is that fun? Well, when going through a crap-ton (yes, that's a technical term) of photos it's hard to decide which photos are going to be THE ones you show. In some cases, there's only ONE that makes it out to the public and only months and months later do the rest surface.

I had a recent photo session that where the sun was hidden behind the clouds and the sky was perfect.... for about 10 minutes. I had several photos that I liked, but these last two..... I just couldn't decide which one I liked better:


A)

B)

These were made only moments apart, but they look very different. Which would you pick and why?

Blogging for the sake of blogging

I recently read a post on my local photographers group Mile High Photographers about blogging and how many photos people post on their blogs. There were as many unique answers as there were photographers.

Some blogged 20-30 images while telling the narrative of the bridal party's day.
Others blogged 10 or so to tell their subject's story.

I usually blog 4 or less.

I can't exactly put a reason to why I blog so few photos but I really feel that this blog is for myself. Don't misunderstand me: I'm glad for all 4 of you that read this... but this blog is largely a place for my to put my thoughts to paper (proverbially). Half the time, I just need to get certain ideas out of my head and into some tangible form so I can sleep at night. My photo journal serves that exact purpose: I can't draw to save my life but getting those photo shoot ideas onto paper lets me sleep at night.

Anyway, I thought I might mention that I plan on doing a full month of free headshots. Yes: Free. Not really "Free Beer" ... more like "Free Speech." I need to get the word out in Denver that there's a new guy in town and I'm going to make as much noise as I can. I need to overwhelm the talent agents with "this Jeremy guy" and "the solid, consistent work" that I make. What better way to do than than to show up to coffee with them with a whole book that I've made of my work?

In any case, if you're in need of a good headshot let me know. I've seen some AWFUL headshots on facebook, model mayhem, and even realtor websites... Really, people... get some good work done.... You don't look like that in person...

Oh look... 4 photos blogged!  ;-)

I'm hot-blooded, check it and see...

Photo Challenge: For Carolina

Hello Everyone,

A while back, I challenged my good friend (and photographer) Carolina Yocom to a photo challenge during a Google+ Hangout. The challenge was something like this: Make a photo of yourself staring dead-on into the camera. The reason? She's very good at making self portraits of herself in beautifully lit poses, but never dead-on from the front. She fought with her photo, but her final portrait was excellent. You can see her photo on her blog.

In exchange, her challenge to me was this: Make a dramatic portrait of myself, but.... don't use off-camera flash. She knew what my weakness was! I light almost everything I shoot. I've spent the past year strengthening my "off-camera flash mixed with ambient light" skills, so being limited to what I could use without using off-camera was a challenge.

I fought with it for weeks...designing and redesigning the concept in my head. Tonight, I managed to capture this:

It's amazing how much you can get sick of seeing your own face while editing (for all 30 seconds that I touched this photo)... How do you feel about self-portraits?

Anyway, Caro, I hope you think I did okay. XOXO.


PS- For the photo nerds that always love to know settings for photos.... I don't know how I shot this... but I'm guessing: 1/2" @ f/8 @ ISO200. Light source is a single shop-light from the shed... probably a 100watt bulb. I dunno... I was busy.

Dude, where's my life?

Hello, all 3 of you.

Things have just been crazy lately. I started a new day job which has been taking up quite a bit of my time... Well, not so much the job... but how I've had to rearrange everything and get used to a new schedule:

6:30am - Alarm goes off... I hit the snooze button.
6:45am - My wife calls me from her work and tells me to get up.
6:50am - My mother arrives to watch the kids
7:00am - Leave for work
7:05am - Forgot my wallet, keys, brain... head back inside to collect them.
7:10am - Leave for work
7:55am - Arrive at work in Boulder
5:00pm - Leave work
6:00pm - Arrive home
6:10pm - Eat dinner with the family
6:45pm - Play a game with the kids, Usually Scrabble or Candy Land in Deutsche
7:15pm - Kids get sent to bed
7:30pm - Kids tucked in
7:35pm - Kids retucked
7:40pm - Medium-sized-kid retucked
8:00pm - Talk with the wife
8:30pm - Watch a movie or The Colbert Report with the wife
9:00pm - Wife goes to bed since she has to be up at 2:30am.
9:05pm - Work on lots of photo projects that need lots of attention
9:15pm - Realize that I don't have lots of photo projects that need lots of attention
9:30pm - Realize that I need to promote myself better so that I have more projects
9:31pm - Realize that my client base is now in bed and my opportunity to promote to them is gone for the day
9:32pm - Get depressed
9:35pm - Read about what other photographers are doing and how busy they are
10:00pm - Watch YouTube videos and Flickr streams for inspiration and entertainment
11:30pm - Android Sleep tells me it's time to go to bed

That has been my routine for weeks now. I got tired of it so I made fresh flyers to put up at King Sooper's bulletin boards and Starbucks. Made 1/4 page flyers to pepper the neighborhood around a local high school. I put myself on "sale" which is a double-edged sword; People are interested in hiring me all the time, but only jump on it when I have a special running. It lets me be busier, but it makes me feel cheap.... I hate feeling cheap. I work my ass off for less money.... Most people would quit their job if their boss told them to take a 20% paycut... That's what I do to myself when I have a "sale".... I hope my clients realize that... I love them, but it's hard to communicate how crazy things are when you own your own business instead of punching in and out for your check: When I go on "sale" I literally take a paycut.

Anyway, enough loathing: I was able to schedule a shoot with Cassie a few weeks back. That girl is awesome! We had a plan to borrow a wedding dress and go up the hill and do some sunset/bride/whatever-we-can-think-of shots. Instead, it was mucky an rainy and not what we wanted so we went to Plan B.... Plan B was to put her in a tub and cover her in black... I wanted noir and although I didn't push the noir genre at all we definitely got some cool shots out of it. One them is above, but you can check out the rest on my site: bit.ly/JCPnoirbath I hope all 3 of you like them.

30-50 Project: Update 10

This week, I'm posting my final subject for the 30-50 Project, Krissi.

Krissi is another friend from High School. I didn't intentionally put my friends last on this project, but yeah... I totally did... Oops. ;-)

Krissi was totally excited to shoot with me. We had planned to have her playing in the snow (it was 20 degrees that morning) and getting some fun photos but we also planned to get some really sad photos too... You see: Krissi has gone through a lot this past year. Her husband lost his job, twice. They couldn't get a reasonable unemployment benefit and it left them stressed. That's something we can all relate to in this economy, but something that not all of us can relate to is that Krissi was also diagnosed as being bipolar.

I don't completely understand what it means to be bipolar, but there are apparently different sub-categories of it. Krissi often swings from being super ecstatic about life to dropping to a depressive state fairly quickly. Typically, "Normal People" don't understand what could be wrong with their friends and loved-ones that have bipolar disorder which leads them to distance themselves from the affected person. This can leave those with bipolar disorder to feeling very lonely which only exacerbates the problem. Krissi's husband, John, has learned to be more sensitive to her needs and realizes that just being there for her can make all the difference in the world even if he doesn't completely understand what is happening.

As we transitioned from the happy-snow photos I warned her that I was going to ask her about how hard this past year has been. I told her, and John, that I was going to try to understand more about her disorder by asking questions about it in an attempt to get something really compelling from the session; A session which she loved and felt was therapeutic since she didn't have to hide behind a smile if she didn't want to... But I wanted to shoot Krissi when she was sad...

Why would I do that?

Easy: I love making dramatic portraits, remember? Most of the time we look at a photo and say,"Oh, she looks beautiful!" or "That's sexy!" but somehow photos of someone crying... or upset... isn't pleasing. You're right, though.... Crying isn't pleasant... but it IS dramatic because it's a part of our life. I don't mean "Oh! Look how Emo that 14 year-old girl is! She's crying!" because that's just stupid....... I mean "OMG that woman is crying like she just lost everything..." It's harder for us to look at photos of those who are very sad, very angry, very anything... We only love the ones where we look hot, or happy, or whatever... but being sad is a part of our human existence. I decided one thing last year about myself:

I shoot people, so I need to shoot every part of people's lives: Happy, Sexy, Sad, Angry, Lonely, Birth, Death.... All of it. To shoot only "happy" is a damn lie and anyone who only shoots happy should be ashamed of their craft. (bold statement, I know)

Krissi, Thank You for letting me in your heart and showing the world what I found there. You're a wonderful human being.

30-50 Project: Update 9

It feels like I've been shooting a lot lately. It feels really good to get out and do what I love. I don't mean that in that funny, stereotypical "Oh, I love it!" kind of way... I mean... having the opportunity to be creative and make something from parts of nothing is an amazing feeling. It's exactly the same feeling I get when playing Legos with my kids.... Making something from parts of nothing.

When I had the opportunity to shoot my friend, Jenn, I couldn't pass on it. Similar to Leah (from last week's post), I've known Jenn for a long time, but we've had an "on-again off-again" friendship. It's embarrassing for me to say, but since I often speak from my heart I say things that I mean, but since they never reach my brain before they reach my tongue... it gets me into trouble. Sometimes I hurt people with the things I say and it totally sucks. It's made me filter out a lot of what I say, but to Jenn (for some reason) I don't filter when I speak to her and as a result we go years without speaking sometimes. This past time we "made up" (I guess that's the best way to describe it) we promised each other to talk it out before we disconnect again. She's a valued friend and an awesome person; it sucks to not have her around.

Wow, for a post that's supposed to be about the subject it sure did turn into a navel-gazing introspection of a daunting reality... I'm Flawed.... in so many ways. ::Adjusts Tie Uncomfortably::

Ahem..

I took some liberty with the Black and White conversions this time. I haven't done that in a long time... I find that I take a different creative direction with black and white than I do color photos... The whites are white, but I drop the blacks through the floor while allowing midtones to remain. The result is what you see here. (I'll probably add some different photos in another post when I sum up the project...These are same ones I posted to FB, but I just loved them too much to pick a different set of 4 for each place...)

30-50 Project: Update 8

8 posts about this project already? Seriously? Apparently this project has been successful considering I expected roughly zero people to take me up on this thing. Very Cool.

Some of you might remember my next subject, Leah D'Andrea. I've worked with her on her costume design portfolio from last year. We've known each other for a long time, so when I was looking to expand what I do into a completely different direction she was an easy pick. I had been following her work for a long time and really admired it. There's a lot of parallels between fashioning pieces of cloth together and fashioning pieces of life together: They both require foresight, patience, resources, and ever more patience. There's always been something about designing and realizing clothing that has fascinated me.

In any case, she doesn't just design cool stuff; she wears them too. Since she's a costumer she has quite the  outgoing personality and is a natural when acting. Being herself is a little harder to do in front of the camera. I can't say I blame her since I get nervous too! It's a good nervous! If the roles were reversed and I was in a costume at some Con (I've never been to one as an adult... is that bad?) I would be incredibly nervous.

Without further ado...

30-50 Project: Update 7

Hello again! This week's post is brought to you by the number 7, and the letter D.

In this session, I shot my best friend, Devin. I hadn't intended to shoot any of my friends, but when I put the call out for 30-50 year-olds I had many volunteers, naturally. Devin and I go back about a decade; We went to UNC together. We were roommates for quite a while in college, and then for a few years after we got out of school.

One of Devin's passions is music. Not just music, but rather independent music that you might not have heard of. A few years ago he actually sold most of his CD's in favor of Vinyl Records. Yes, they still make vinyl. Tim Ferris, author of The 4-hour Work Week, said on an episode of CJLive that   "...the book from this point forward is going to have to be art." He was referencing that digital media is so popular from books to music that printed, tangible works are almost a dying breed....in other words, "art." I completely agree with this, and obviously Devin does as well. In fact, some of the vinyl records he owns actually have artwork etched into them. They truly are a work of art.

30-50 Project: Update 6

After the turn of the New Year I started right where I left off with my project. The holidays are such a busy time that it was nice to take it easy for a week or so, but I was glad to get back to work.

My next subject was Yelena. She's from Russia: Born and bred. She actually came to the US for a a good will mission and fell in love with the place. Her husband is certainly glad she came here or they probably would never have met! It was quite a bit of fun shooting with Lena since she has a perspective on Americans that I wouldn't have known otherwise. She seemed really confident, but I could still tell that she was nervous. I've figured out that most people are't really used to having their photo made.... Not just "taken"... but Made. In any case, she did very well! I really look forward to working with her again.

I found myself shooting quite a bit in portrait orientation during this session. I'm usually more comfortable in landscape, but I really felt that portrait would be best for this. I'd also never shot at this location before, but the 85mm effectively nuked the background; It could have been shot anywhere.

30-50 Project: Update 5

At the end of December I was going through my 30-50 Project subjects with relative ease: I've been staying busy, making some interesting photos, and listening to my subjects tell their stories. My last shoot of the year was the hardest I've ever done. It wasn't hard because of the location, or my gear, or light not working with me... It was hard because of the story. The story was heart-breaking; I don't wish to embarrass them by telling the story, either. It's a grey area because I'm not a photojournalist... I'm editorial... but I think this story needs told... but my conscience just won't let me.

This really could be an instance where the photos should do the talking... All of my subjects for this shoot were trying to deal with things that felt out of their control. They, like many since 2008, have fallen on hard times and are deciding between what they have and what they need on a budget that is failing them and requires constant re-adjustment. I've tried to make some great photos for them so that they could remember this time together instead of hard times... But truthfully I don't know if I succeeded. Their eyes tell the story so much better than I can.

Thanks for paying attention to what I'm working on! I should have the last of the 30-50 Project posted to the blog soon!

30-50 Project Update 4

Phillip is the youngest of the bunch so far. In his mid-twenties he has moved back from New York recently. While in New York he's been fighting for Human Rights causes in various places on the African continent. He's planning a quick trip down to Haiti soon to help with the effort there. It's easy to forget that there was a catastrophic earthquake there not long ago! I made sure that I brought one of my Sunpaks and a small umbrella with me on this shoot. Mmmooody...

More updates as they happen! (Which is the dumbest line from the local media I've ever heard...)

30-50 Project Update 3

Brad was next in line: He's a late-40's actor trying to get some work in the Denver area. He's recently divorced and is trying to get used to bachelorhood again. Brad is a natural in front of the camera it was easy to work with him. Brad was looking for something different than he already had in his portfolio so I'm hoping that I was able to do that for him. Natural light worked pretty well for us here, but I really could have used my flash for several nooks and crannies downtown.

Thanks for tuning in!

30-50 Project Update 2

Next up was Christopher. He's a late-30's actor that moved to Colorado from California recently. His son wasn't doing too well in his freshman year of high school here, so he picked up and moved out here to help guide him a little more closely with the help of his son's mother. He's a funny guy and I captured many funny and honest expressions from him! Christopher had never really been downtown before so we met up in front of the Wynkoop Brewery. I shot natural light and reflectors for this shoot; I've really been wanting to pack light and carry less with me on shoots.After our walk-around-the-block here I loved the light in December so much that I brought two more subjects here!

Stay tuned for more updates from my 30-50 Project!

30-50 Project Update 1

My next subject was Sharon. She's a 40-something wife and was in need of some headshots. The business that she's in requires some face-to-face marketing and headshots can help gain an important foothold. We struggled to to find a warm day where our schedules lined up so we shot in my living room / home studio. Near the end of the shoot we stepped outside just as the sun was disappearing behind the Rockies. Perfect time for some natural light blended with a hotshoe!

Stay tuned for more 30-50 Project updates!

30-50 Project

My 30-50 Project is coming along swimmingly... (assuming one can swim, of course... which I can't). I've heard some interesting stories from my subjects and made some interesting, new work in the process. I've noticed some interesting trends during these shoots... We, as people, are more similar than different.


My first subject was Melissa: A 30-something year-old single mom. She's a skier with a boarder's fashion sense and a total sweetheart. She likes to do modeling in her free time. We were discussing what we should do for our shoot and she mentioned that she never gets to wear dresses for her shoots... When she said that I knew exactly what we were going to do! There's a park nearby that I simply love: Crown Hill Park; It's a beautiful nature reserve on the West side of Crown Hill Cemetery. Being December, we waited for a warm day to shoot Melissa in a dress... which meant 29°F. :-)

I'll keep posting updates as I shoot them. I almost put everything in one post, but decided against it. Stay tuned for more!