Stagnation

I'd love to say that I've been completely inactive for the past 6 months because I'm working on some super-secret project.... but I can't.

I'd love to pretend that I'm the too-big-for-my-britches fancy-schmancy photographer that declares each project or job they've completed was a total success on facebook and other social media... but I can't.

I'd love to post 4 beautifully lit shots with a background story with this post... but I can't.

I haven't even been shooting much on my phone let alone anything proper.

I can't lie to myself and I can't lie to you: I haven't been shooting because I've been depressed... and I've been depressed because I haven't been shooting. I'm exceedingly aware of this detrimental reciprocity but I can't seem to pull out of it. It's certainly not due to a lack of trying; Plans and Shoots keep falling apart. Scheduling issues and not feeling well have been contributing to the issue as well. Grandparents have died, loved-ones are getting cancer, memories of disappointing old teachers...

So what's happening with me?
Did I define my niche' so well that the right client is as rare as triple rainbows?
Did I price myself so that I no longer lose money on each job only to discover that now no one can afford me?
Do I really suck at photography as much as the voice in my head says I do?
Did I decide to make work that's so random that it's not meant for general consumption?

It's quite the conundrum: On one hand, I'd love to be so busy with work that everyone books me for everything like I'm a brand-new photographer doing family sessions for $25 including a DVD of 1000 images... BUT... on the other hand I want my work to be paced properly and high-quality like the client just paid me $1000 for a single print on their wall. Does the price I place myself at matter as much as the work I make? Not at all, but watching social media lately it looks like everyone is suffering from Multiple Personality Disorder.

I'm beginning to see why photographers just shoot for themselves and declare to the world that they're Fine Art Photographers instead of trying to wrangle in clients that don't really "fit" their niche'... That sounds lovely right now: Paying subjects to sit down and be patient with me while I extract photos from idea precipitate, then sell huge, limited-edition prints of the work at the Artist's Market or consignment walls at the local pub to the correct client. Complete control over my process would be amazing.... Complete control over my life would be amazing.... but that's not what I have. That's not what any of us have. I have to make my time away from my family count for something and that means getting compensated in a way that's easy to calculate in US Dollars.

If you've made it this far through the post maybe you feel the same way about something in your own life. Most people keep these negative thoughts in their own head but I've been doing that for months and it hasn't been helping. I'd rather be complete honest about myself than pretend that I'm something that I'm not. "You shouldn't say that stuff because it's bad for your business!" Sure... Maybe... But if I'm lying to everyone about how awesome my life is isn't that just as bad?

Its time for a change. I'm off to schedule something awesome in hopes that it pans out.
What are you going to change in your own situation?

Selfie Challenge!!!! #3

Imagine that Voice-Over-Guy that does work for the Movies...

The Self Portrait Challenge.... One Man.... One Woman... taking photos of themselves....

Okay... that's enough of that.



Last Week, Carolina posted a lovely mirror shot, per my request. You can see the results of that photo here: Self Portrait Challenge, Round 2

Her Challenge in response to mine? "A photo booth type series with a different emotion in each photo."

Brutal. Showing emotions is really hard for me... Being happy is great and all, but showing other emotions honestly, and in public, can be really hard. It reminded me of the Japanese and how they have one "mask" that they put on at work and something else when they're being truthful... It's called Honne and Tatemae. You can read about it here: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Honne_and_tatemae


Anyway, with that in mind, and the fake emotions we put on, here is this week's submission:

Emote

Nerd Alert: Shot with my Android using Vignette with the "Holga" filter. Arranged in GIMP 2.6

Carolina, This week your challenge is to use off camera flash... but not just FOR your photo.... I want the Off Camera Flash to be IN the photo. ;-) (I'm sure you have a flash laying around somewhere....)

Building a book & Having good teachers

Hey!

I finally fought my way through building a book: The same book I promised Zack Arias that I'd deliver to him this past May. I had the book printed by Kiss Albums. Here is the unboxing:


The little 4" book isn't big enough to send to anyone, but now that I know it'll look awesome I can send anyone the big one after I get the big one printed.

SO... Yeah: I know... I'm 6 months late on my promise. Why? I finished the book in February and was ready to send it to print when I realized that something didn't feel right. I had spent hours and weeks making this book something that Zack would approve of since his approval means SO much to me. I shot photos I thought he would find interesting. I composed using rule of thirds. I had both lit and natural light shots in it. I showed that I don't just show any photo I think is "okay"....

Then it hit me.

I made the book for Zack.... not for myself. My book lacked MY SOUL. I made the photos but I made them in a way that I didn't love in order to impress my teacher.

I tossed the entire book and started over.

So now that I've made the book for myself.... showing the work that I've not only done but the work I want to continue to do...... Zack is going to hate it. Meg (Zack's "better 7/8ths") is REALLY going to hate it. It's okay. At some point I'm going to have to pony up to the fact that a lot of people are going to hate my work and the only answer is to get used to it. But even if Zack hates it... it accurately shows where I'm at and where I'd like to go... It's more honest... and that's what all of my influences seem to find to be important:

Just in case you're reading this, Zack... YES. You're my Teacher and that title means more to me than I could explain in a blog post.... Maybe over coffee in the ATL.