Blogging for the sake of blogging

I recently read a post on my local photographers group Mile High Photographers about blogging and how many photos people post on their blogs. There were as many unique answers as there were photographers.

Some blogged 20-30 images while telling the narrative of the bridal party's day.
Others blogged 10 or so to tell their subject's story.

I usually blog 4 or less.

I can't exactly put a reason to why I blog so few photos but I really feel that this blog is for myself. Don't misunderstand me: I'm glad for all 4 of you that read this... but this blog is largely a place for my to put my thoughts to paper (proverbially). Half the time, I just need to get certain ideas out of my head and into some tangible form so I can sleep at night. My photo journal serves that exact purpose: I can't draw to save my life but getting those photo shoot ideas onto paper lets me sleep at night.

Anyway, I thought I might mention that I plan on doing a full month of free headshots. Yes: Free. Not really "Free Beer" ... more like "Free Speech." I need to get the word out in Denver that there's a new guy in town and I'm going to make as much noise as I can. I need to overwhelm the talent agents with "this Jeremy guy" and "the solid, consistent work" that I make. What better way to do than than to show up to coffee with them with a whole book that I've made of my work?

In any case, if you're in need of a good headshot let me know. I've seen some AWFUL headshots on facebook, model mayhem, and even realtor websites... Really, people... get some good work done.... You don't look like that in person...

Oh look... 4 photos blogged!  ;-)

30-50 Project: Update 10

This week, I'm posting my final subject for the 30-50 Project, Krissi.

Krissi is another friend from High School. I didn't intentionally put my friends last on this project, but yeah... I totally did... Oops. ;-)

Krissi was totally excited to shoot with me. We had planned to have her playing in the snow (it was 20 degrees that morning) and getting some fun photos but we also planned to get some really sad photos too... You see: Krissi has gone through a lot this past year. Her husband lost his job, twice. They couldn't get a reasonable unemployment benefit and it left them stressed. That's something we can all relate to in this economy, but something that not all of us can relate to is that Krissi was also diagnosed as being bipolar.

I don't completely understand what it means to be bipolar, but there are apparently different sub-categories of it. Krissi often swings from being super ecstatic about life to dropping to a depressive state fairly quickly. Typically, "Normal People" don't understand what could be wrong with their friends and loved-ones that have bipolar disorder which leads them to distance themselves from the affected person. This can leave those with bipolar disorder to feeling very lonely which only exacerbates the problem. Krissi's husband, John, has learned to be more sensitive to her needs and realizes that just being there for her can make all the difference in the world even if he doesn't completely understand what is happening.

As we transitioned from the happy-snow photos I warned her that I was going to ask her about how hard this past year has been. I told her, and John, that I was going to try to understand more about her disorder by asking questions about it in an attempt to get something really compelling from the session; A session which she loved and felt was therapeutic since she didn't have to hide behind a smile if she didn't want to... But I wanted to shoot Krissi when she was sad...

Why would I do that?

Easy: I love making dramatic portraits, remember? Most of the time we look at a photo and say,"Oh, she looks beautiful!" or "That's sexy!" but somehow photos of someone crying... or upset... isn't pleasing. You're right, though.... Crying isn't pleasant... but it IS dramatic because it's a part of our life. I don't mean "Oh! Look how Emo that 14 year-old girl is! She's crying!" because that's just stupid....... I mean "OMG that woman is crying like she just lost everything..." It's harder for us to look at photos of those who are very sad, very angry, very anything... We only love the ones where we look hot, or happy, or whatever... but being sad is a part of our human existence. I decided one thing last year about myself:

I shoot people, so I need to shoot every part of people's lives: Happy, Sexy, Sad, Angry, Lonely, Birth, Death.... All of it. To shoot only "happy" is a damn lie and anyone who only shoots happy should be ashamed of their craft. (bold statement, I know)

Krissi, Thank You for letting me in your heart and showing the world what I found there. You're a wonderful human being.

30-50 Project: Update 9

It feels like I've been shooting a lot lately. It feels really good to get out and do what I love. I don't mean that in that funny, stereotypical "Oh, I love it!" kind of way... I mean... having the opportunity to be creative and make something from parts of nothing is an amazing feeling. It's exactly the same feeling I get when playing Legos with my kids.... Making something from parts of nothing.

When I had the opportunity to shoot my friend, Jenn, I couldn't pass on it. Similar to Leah (from last week's post), I've known Jenn for a long time, but we've had an "on-again off-again" friendship. It's embarrassing for me to say, but since I often speak from my heart I say things that I mean, but since they never reach my brain before they reach my tongue... it gets me into trouble. Sometimes I hurt people with the things I say and it totally sucks. It's made me filter out a lot of what I say, but to Jenn (for some reason) I don't filter when I speak to her and as a result we go years without speaking sometimes. This past time we "made up" (I guess that's the best way to describe it) we promised each other to talk it out before we disconnect again. She's a valued friend and an awesome person; it sucks to not have her around.

Wow, for a post that's supposed to be about the subject it sure did turn into a navel-gazing introspection of a daunting reality... I'm Flawed.... in so many ways. ::Adjusts Tie Uncomfortably::

Ahem..

I took some liberty with the Black and White conversions this time. I haven't done that in a long time... I find that I take a different creative direction with black and white than I do color photos... The whites are white, but I drop the blacks through the floor while allowing midtones to remain. The result is what you see here. (I'll probably add some different photos in another post when I sum up the project...These are same ones I posted to FB, but I just loved them too much to pick a different set of 4 for each place...)

30-50 Project: Update 8

8 posts about this project already? Seriously? Apparently this project has been successful considering I expected roughly zero people to take me up on this thing. Very Cool.

Some of you might remember my next subject, Leah D'Andrea. I've worked with her on her costume design portfolio from last year. We've known each other for a long time, so when I was looking to expand what I do into a completely different direction she was an easy pick. I had been following her work for a long time and really admired it. There's a lot of parallels between fashioning pieces of cloth together and fashioning pieces of life together: They both require foresight, patience, resources, and ever more patience. There's always been something about designing and realizing clothing that has fascinated me.

In any case, she doesn't just design cool stuff; she wears them too. Since she's a costumer she has quite the  outgoing personality and is a natural when acting. Being herself is a little harder to do in front of the camera. I can't say I blame her since I get nervous too! It's a good nervous! If the roles were reversed and I was in a costume at some Con (I've never been to one as an adult... is that bad?) I would be incredibly nervous.

Without further ado...

30-50 Project: Update 7

Hello again! This week's post is brought to you by the number 7, and the letter D.

In this session, I shot my best friend, Devin. I hadn't intended to shoot any of my friends, but when I put the call out for 30-50 year-olds I had many volunteers, naturally. Devin and I go back about a decade; We went to UNC together. We were roommates for quite a while in college, and then for a few years after we got out of school.

One of Devin's passions is music. Not just music, but rather independent music that you might not have heard of. A few years ago he actually sold most of his CD's in favor of Vinyl Records. Yes, they still make vinyl. Tim Ferris, author of The 4-hour Work Week, said on an episode of CJLive that   "...the book from this point forward is going to have to be art." He was referencing that digital media is so popular from books to music that printed, tangible works are almost a dying breed....in other words, "art." I completely agree with this, and obviously Devin does as well. In fact, some of the vinyl records he owns actually have artwork etched into them. They truly are a work of art.

30-50 Project: Update 6

After the turn of the New Year I started right where I left off with my project. The holidays are such a busy time that it was nice to take it easy for a week or so, but I was glad to get back to work.

My next subject was Yelena. She's from Russia: Born and bred. She actually came to the US for a a good will mission and fell in love with the place. Her husband is certainly glad she came here or they probably would never have met! It was quite a bit of fun shooting with Lena since she has a perspective on Americans that I wouldn't have known otherwise. She seemed really confident, but I could still tell that she was nervous. I've figured out that most people are't really used to having their photo made.... Not just "taken"... but Made. In any case, she did very well! I really look forward to working with her again.

I found myself shooting quite a bit in portrait orientation during this session. I'm usually more comfortable in landscape, but I really felt that portrait would be best for this. I'd also never shot at this location before, but the 85mm effectively nuked the background; It could have been shot anywhere.

30-50 Project: Update 5

At the end of December I was going through my 30-50 Project subjects with relative ease: I've been staying busy, making some interesting photos, and listening to my subjects tell their stories. My last shoot of the year was the hardest I've ever done. It wasn't hard because of the location, or my gear, or light not working with me... It was hard because of the story. The story was heart-breaking; I don't wish to embarrass them by telling the story, either. It's a grey area because I'm not a photojournalist... I'm editorial... but I think this story needs told... but my conscience just won't let me.

This really could be an instance where the photos should do the talking... All of my subjects for this shoot were trying to deal with things that felt out of their control. They, like many since 2008, have fallen on hard times and are deciding between what they have and what they need on a budget that is failing them and requires constant re-adjustment. I've tried to make some great photos for them so that they could remember this time together instead of hard times... But truthfully I don't know if I succeeded. Their eyes tell the story so much better than I can.

Thanks for paying attention to what I'm working on! I should have the last of the 30-50 Project posted to the blog soon!

30-50 Project Update 4

Phillip is the youngest of the bunch so far. In his mid-twenties he has moved back from New York recently. While in New York he's been fighting for Human Rights causes in various places on the African continent. He's planning a quick trip down to Haiti soon to help with the effort there. It's easy to forget that there was a catastrophic earthquake there not long ago! I made sure that I brought one of my Sunpaks and a small umbrella with me on this shoot. Mmmooody...

More updates as they happen! (Which is the dumbest line from the local media I've ever heard...)

30-50 Project Update 3

Brad was next in line: He's a late-40's actor trying to get some work in the Denver area. He's recently divorced and is trying to get used to bachelorhood again. Brad is a natural in front of the camera it was easy to work with him. Brad was looking for something different than he already had in his portfolio so I'm hoping that I was able to do that for him. Natural light worked pretty well for us here, but I really could have used my flash for several nooks and crannies downtown.

Thanks for tuning in!

30-50 Project Update 2

Next up was Christopher. He's a late-30's actor that moved to Colorado from California recently. His son wasn't doing too well in his freshman year of high school here, so he picked up and moved out here to help guide him a little more closely with the help of his son's mother. He's a funny guy and I captured many funny and honest expressions from him! Christopher had never really been downtown before so we met up in front of the Wynkoop Brewery. I shot natural light and reflectors for this shoot; I've really been wanting to pack light and carry less with me on shoots.After our walk-around-the-block here I loved the light in December so much that I brought two more subjects here!

Stay tuned for more updates from my 30-50 Project!

30-50 Project Update 1

My next subject was Sharon. She's a 40-something wife and was in need of some headshots. The business that she's in requires some face-to-face marketing and headshots can help gain an important foothold. We struggled to to find a warm day where our schedules lined up so we shot in my living room / home studio. Near the end of the shoot we stepped outside just as the sun was disappearing behind the Rockies. Perfect time for some natural light blended with a hotshoe!

Stay tuned for more 30-50 Project updates!

30-50 Project

My 30-50 Project is coming along swimmingly... (assuming one can swim, of course... which I can't). I've heard some interesting stories from my subjects and made some interesting, new work in the process. I've noticed some interesting trends during these shoots... We, as people, are more similar than different.


My first subject was Melissa: A 30-something year-old single mom. She's a skier with a boarder's fashion sense and a total sweetheart. She likes to do modeling in her free time. We were discussing what we should do for our shoot and she mentioned that she never gets to wear dresses for her shoots... When she said that I knew exactly what we were going to do! There's a park nearby that I simply love: Crown Hill Park; It's a beautiful nature reserve on the West side of Crown Hill Cemetery. Being December, we waited for a warm day to shoot Melissa in a dress... which meant 29°F. :-)

I'll keep posting updates as I shoot them. I almost put everything in one post, but decided against it. Stay tuned for more!

I struggle with telling a story... OR "f8 and be there" ain't working for me.

(Hey! Look at me! I uploaded a vertical shot!)

I'm not sure what's been wrong with me lately. I feel like I can't create anything new. I feel like I'm not taking steps forward with my photography. I feel like I'm actually moving backwards.

Winter is always the slow season. Everything slows down except for retailers. Since don't normally book any clients for when it's Below Zero in Colorado I decided to start a new project this winter just to keep moving things along... to keep shooting... to try to work on my story telling. I'm starting the project later this week when an awesome model, Melissa, sits down in front of my camera... But I'm feeling like I'm lost. I want to tell the story of someone I've never met, and Melissa is giving me that opportunity. I can't help but to feel that I'm disconnected somehow.... That I'm completely missing something right in front of me.

I finished watching (parts of it...missed the beginning) Chase Jarvis Live for his talk about building a portfolio and getting it reviewed. I really felt that I was on the right track to getting some new work done to be able to send to Zack Arias and Chase Jarvis (and possibly others that have no idea it's coming) in order to see if I had taken a step forward since my creativeLIVE experience (you know, the one I'm always talking about because it was life-changing...). Watching the talk today I realized that even now I have further to go than I thought... That is road I'm on won't lead to being an "expert photographer" until 3 months before I die of old age. I'm going to be struggling with this stupid light-tight box until I'm dead... but for some reason I had the delusions of grandeur that I'd be really good right now. My clients are more than happy... but for me that hasn't been enough. I'm not happy yet. I need to push harder.

Other photographers could hold the measuring stick up to me and I'd fall way short in their eyes. I shoot darker sets... I don't light from every possible angle... I don't want "happy" photos.... I don't shoot photos that are perfect... I don't run them through the photoshop mill until they're unrecognizable. What's worse is that newer photographers think that they're good when they're awful. This new society of photographers is a mess. It's awesome, but everyone thinks that they're the next (your favorite photographer here). Am I awful and I just don't know it? Knowing how exposure works and how to get an image from my camera to print is one thing... but telling a story and communicating what I'm talking about.... it's so much harder. It's become apparent to me that I need to tell more stories... I need the practice... I need the depth in my photos.

Shooting Models isn't going to give me depth in my photos. I need to shoot Actors. Models might be able to stand there and look cute, but I need people who can emote... who can cry... who can feel something while I'm shooting them.

What will help me? I need to find regular people with stories to tell... but most people are SO FREAKING HESITANT to tell their stories! I mean, who wants to tell a story about what they had for breakfast? Who wants to tell a story about how they ripped their jeans on the way to work? Who wants to tell a story about the time that their house got broken into and their hard drives and electronics were stolen of their infant daughter... the same infant that was just diagnosed with a terminal disease? Some stories seem to mundane for people to even remember. Other stories are so painful that they might not want to think about them...

I'm lost. I know what I'm doing, but I don't know what I'm doing. Being able to push a shutter button isn't enough. I'm not moving forward from this point until I figure out where I should be headed.... even if where I'm headed isn't where I end up. I need to do something unexpected.

Create. Share. Sustain. NSFW

One thing that Chase Jarvis has always seem to promoted is this: Create, Share, Sustain. I have an easier time with the "Create" part than the other two. I don't share well with others and I'm barely sustaining. I struggle this all three ideals in some way.

Create: Since I've baby-stepped into photography this past year I've been working on getting a TON of personal work done. I've been shooting the things that I've been wanting to shoot and planning the stuff that I think I want to shoot but haven't worked the details out yet. I have a little notebook that sits at my bedside that I scribble notes into on a regular basis. I sketch out drawings or ideas that I'd like to see done but I haven't figured out how to do them yet. The ideas have problems that stand in the way of completion, but they are still viable. Maybe I'll take a photo of it sometime if someone is interested.

Share: I'm always ALWAYS nervous about sharing. It's not that I don't want people to see it. Quite on the contrary: I want people to see my work, but critique is hard. You know what's worse than critique? Apathy. I would rather someone tell me that my work is worthless and I'm never going to make it as a photographer than have someone look at something I've created and just say "meh" or even worse: Move on without saying a word. It's half the reason I barely show my work to my wife: She says nothing often. I have to coax and goad her into commenting on my work, but often I only hear something about the photos she likes, but she's quick to tell me when something in the photo is distracting. It's helpful since she gives me the perspective of a potential client. I have photo buddies that can tell me what's wrong technically, but the client perspective is just as important to me.

Sustain: This is barely hanging on for me. I'll put together a shoot and I'm getting better at logistics, but only because I'm trying to take bigger and more complicated projects. I used to be able to barely hang on with just me and the subject. Now I've worked up to the occasional Location scouting, booking, MUA+H scheduling, client confirmation, and managing to throw some personal work in the mix of all that while I have everything lined up. But I'll be honest: It's exhausting. I can see why the bigger guys have crews and teams and indentured servants to take care of some of this for them. I exhausted myself so thoroughly leading up to and during a shoot that I made myself sick. Not Cool. It's hard to feel free to create when it feels like someone mixed concrete in your gut. The photos turned out great, but I was definitely in need of some down time when the job was done.

So what should I do about this stuff? If my ideas I want to create are viable I need to plan them out and shoot them. I need to get over my fear of everyone ignoring my work. I need to take better care of myself while I'm ramping the stress from these jobs up.

The first step I can take right now (like... NOW now) is to start sharing some of the work I've created. I'll quit hiding behind the newbie rating and just throw stuff out there. Please, if you like my work: Tell me what you like. If you hate my work: Tell me why. If you simply feel nothing for my work: ....okay. I'm my own worst critic, but hey.... I'm sharing.

Speaking of sharing: More from this shoot (NSFW) is on my site. Oooh look at me! Sharing! <fingers-crossed>