Right back where I started

Last year, before I went to Seattle to be a part of creativeLIVE, I was really struggling with my work. I didn't like any of the photos I was making. I was struggling to get my technical skills down. I have new clue what my style was... I looked at the photos I was making. I hated my work.

Now, fast forward one year....

Damnit.. I've revolved around this Earth once like everyone else and I don't see any progress. I mean, I know I've progressed, but when I look back to see my footprints I can't see them. It's like I'm walking through quicksand and my steps disappear behind me as my whole body is being sucked underneath. I gotta keep moving forward though... I'm hoping that it'll be like an adventure film where the dude gets sucked into the quicksand only to discover that he's not really dying... he's being deposited into a secret tomb of an ancient civilization. A tomb he never would have discovered had he heeded the ominous words on the "Danger! Quicksand!" sign...

Anyways, I digest...

er.... digress.

Don't get me wrong: I know I'm moving forward with this thing... My biggest indicator is that I look at my old work (namely, stuff that Zack saw along with thousands of others during my live critique ::shudder::) and I'm totally embarrassed by it. They feel identical to when I was 15 years-old and my parents were pulling out photo albums of me when I was a kid and showing my girlfriends photos with spaghetti mess on my face. Ya, someone thinks it's cute and there's nothing I can do about it. The photos of me as a kid have merit, and memories, and all sorts of intrinsic value that I can't even begin to realize yet... I'm not far enough removed from them to appreciate where I've been.... Why? Because I can't see where I'm going yet.

But... am I really supposed to see where I'm headed?

I've been trying to formulate a business plan... A real business plan. One that includes words on a page that I wrote of where I'm headed and how I plan to get there. Right now, I can't make the barbaric English language work for me. I have these ideas in my head of all these different avenues to take but not really any given conveyance with which to take them.


Exempli Gratia:

I've been loving the headshots of local talent that I've been doing... but I'm not always doing it the way that Zack showed me. They're not vertical. They're not singular. They're horizontal and with context. I haven't gotten a direct hold of a talent agent in town yet, but all the clients tell me is,"my agent said not to shoot anything cliche`." Okay... I'll shoot it how I want to then. They're happy. I'm happy. Now, how do I spread the word that I wrote my own playbook?

I've really enjoyed the boudoir work that I've made this year. It's not really light, or airy, or happy like I've seen others do. It's actually rather dark... contrasty... moody... I love it! I definitely don't want to try to appeal to everyone, but I feel like I might be appealing to no one except myself. Frankly, I'm okay with that... but it does make the task of feeding my family rather difficult.

I did quite a bit of experimental work this year too: Work that was a concept that roared to life as soon as everyone was on the same page. I find it interesting that this work turns black and white so sharply. I may have been enveloped in film noir at the time... That always helps produce some interesting work. In case you haven't seen it, I recommend Cat People.

Flying out to Tennessee and shooting a costume-design book for Leah D'Andrea was probably my favorite job this year. It was an awesome collaboration and it worked out very well. Well enough that we're in talks about doing it again this year (Pick me! Pick me! Pick me!). It was fun because Leah and everyone that modeled for us were completely down to Earth and awesome to work with. I really hope that I continue to make her happy with my work and that we expand to more elaborate projects. I have ideas in my head and I hope that I can shoot them for her.

I've shot a number of families and kids this year as well. Although I enjoy this type of work and getting to know my subjects, I feel like I'm not the style that most families want.... I actually removed my public-facing "Family" gallery from my site and the my family numbers didn't change at all. I thought if I removed the gallery the phone would quit ringing... but it didn't. It's almost as if the families I've been appealing to have simply been friends, referrals, or that they truly like the other work I have done already. I need more people to trust me, but families feel like the last people to get on board.


(no photo to post here. I don't shoot weddings. move along)

I've successfully told 6 people this year (2011) the same thing: No, I don't shoot weddings. Why did I say "No" to money? That's easy: They hadn't really seen my work. (well... that's only mostly true... One bride has been following what I've been doing...) Just because I'm a photographer doesn't mean that shooting weddings is my "Dream Job." Far from it. When I get asked to shoot one and I respond with,"Have you seen what I've been working on lately?" I shouldn't hear crickets on the other end of the line. If I'm going to spend 8 hours on a Saturday pouring my life into art, that Bride needs to appreciate what I'm working on for her. I'm not "documenting a special moment in time" as-they-say... I'm creating works of art in which they're the center of it. They're the Mona Lisa. They're the David. Maybe that sounds presumptuous of me... Maybe. But I'm not a photographer for the money. I'm a photographer to feed my soul that "something" that I haven't found in any 9-5 that I've had.

So, this year I have declined weddings and recommended two other happy-wedding photographers that would probably meet their needs better than I can. They love weddings and they were born to shoot them... I was not born to shoot them, so I'm happy to send them the referral. (Just like this: Kevin is a badass, and Kerinsa is awesome as well.) Would I second shoot for a friend if they asked? Of course I would and probably for free. If they did want to pay me I wouldn't mind. ;-) I like the camaraderie of it all and not feeling the pressure of trying to make art would be kinda nice: Second shooters aren't asked to make art... They're asked to mimic, to duplicate, to schlep bags. No pressure. ;-)


So there's the different paths I've come across this year. Writing them out just now was actually fairly helpful. Maybe I can actually sit down with someone awesome like Sherri Innis and get my shit straightened out. I suppose for having completed only 1 calendar year in business I should be happy with what I've achieved, but I have so far to go. Not to mention that I ramble on and on... I'm dead tired and I need to go lay down...and probably sleep.

30-50 Project Update 2

Next up was Christopher. He's a late-30's actor that moved to Colorado from California recently. His son wasn't doing too well in his freshman year of high school here, so he picked up and moved out here to help guide him a little more closely with the help of his son's mother. He's a funny guy and I captured many funny and honest expressions from him! Christopher had never really been downtown before so we met up in front of the Wynkoop Brewery. I shot natural light and reflectors for this shoot; I've really been wanting to pack light and carry less with me on shoots.After our walk-around-the-block here I loved the light in December so much that I brought two more subjects here!

Stay tuned for more updates from my 30-50 Project!

30-50 Project Update 1

My next subject was Sharon. She's a 40-something wife and was in need of some headshots. The business that she's in requires some face-to-face marketing and headshots can help gain an important foothold. We struggled to to find a warm day where our schedules lined up so we shot in my living room / home studio. Near the end of the shoot we stepped outside just as the sun was disappearing behind the Rockies. Perfect time for some natural light blended with a hotshoe!

Stay tuned for more 30-50 Project updates!

30-50 Project

My 30-50 Project is coming along swimmingly... (assuming one can swim, of course... which I can't). I've heard some interesting stories from my subjects and made some interesting, new work in the process. I've noticed some interesting trends during these shoots... We, as people, are more similar than different.


My first subject was Melissa: A 30-something year-old single mom. She's a skier with a boarder's fashion sense and a total sweetheart. She likes to do modeling in her free time. We were discussing what we should do for our shoot and she mentioned that she never gets to wear dresses for her shoots... When she said that I knew exactly what we were going to do! There's a park nearby that I simply love: Crown Hill Park; It's a beautiful nature reserve on the West side of Crown Hill Cemetery. Being December, we waited for a warm day to shoot Melissa in a dress... which meant 29°F. :-)

I'll keep posting updates as I shoot them. I almost put everything in one post, but decided against it. Stay tuned for more!

I struggle with telling a story... OR "f8 and be there" ain't working for me.

(Hey! Look at me! I uploaded a vertical shot!)

I'm not sure what's been wrong with me lately. I feel like I can't create anything new. I feel like I'm not taking steps forward with my photography. I feel like I'm actually moving backwards.

Winter is always the slow season. Everything slows down except for retailers. Since don't normally book any clients for when it's Below Zero in Colorado I decided to start a new project this winter just to keep moving things along... to keep shooting... to try to work on my story telling. I'm starting the project later this week when an awesome model, Melissa, sits down in front of my camera... But I'm feeling like I'm lost. I want to tell the story of someone I've never met, and Melissa is giving me that opportunity. I can't help but to feel that I'm disconnected somehow.... That I'm completely missing something right in front of me.

I finished watching (parts of it...missed the beginning) Chase Jarvis Live for his talk about building a portfolio and getting it reviewed. I really felt that I was on the right track to getting some new work done to be able to send to Zack Arias and Chase Jarvis (and possibly others that have no idea it's coming) in order to see if I had taken a step forward since my creativeLIVE experience (you know, the one I'm always talking about because it was life-changing...). Watching the talk today I realized that even now I have further to go than I thought... That is road I'm on won't lead to being an "expert photographer" until 3 months before I die of old age. I'm going to be struggling with this stupid light-tight box until I'm dead... but for some reason I had the delusions of grandeur that I'd be really good right now. My clients are more than happy... but for me that hasn't been enough. I'm not happy yet. I need to push harder.

Other photographers could hold the measuring stick up to me and I'd fall way short in their eyes. I shoot darker sets... I don't light from every possible angle... I don't want "happy" photos.... I don't shoot photos that are perfect... I don't run them through the photoshop mill until they're unrecognizable. What's worse is that newer photographers think that they're good when they're awful. This new society of photographers is a mess. It's awesome, but everyone thinks that they're the next (your favorite photographer here). Am I awful and I just don't know it? Knowing how exposure works and how to get an image from my camera to print is one thing... but telling a story and communicating what I'm talking about.... it's so much harder. It's become apparent to me that I need to tell more stories... I need the practice... I need the depth in my photos.

Shooting Models isn't going to give me depth in my photos. I need to shoot Actors. Models might be able to stand there and look cute, but I need people who can emote... who can cry... who can feel something while I'm shooting them.

What will help me? I need to find regular people with stories to tell... but most people are SO FREAKING HESITANT to tell their stories! I mean, who wants to tell a story about what they had for breakfast? Who wants to tell a story about how they ripped their jeans on the way to work? Who wants to tell a story about the time that their house got broken into and their hard drives and electronics were stolen of their infant daughter... the same infant that was just diagnosed with a terminal disease? Some stories seem to mundane for people to even remember. Other stories are so painful that they might not want to think about them...

I'm lost. I know what I'm doing, but I don't know what I'm doing. Being able to push a shutter button isn't enough. I'm not moving forward from this point until I figure out where I should be headed.... even if where I'm headed isn't where I end up. I need to do something unexpected.

What is your brand?

Are you transparent?

Could you describe your brand to someone else?

Is taking the risk worth the gain?

Are you willing to put yourself out there even if it means you're wrong?




I hope that I'm being transparent. I hope that when I make blog posts or post videos that I find interesting that you're discovering my personality and seeing who I really am. I hope that by being myself I attract all types of people to me: Friends, Clients, Comrades, Other Real People.

The world is full of enough people that bullshit everyone around them with "openness" and "honesty".... I hope that what you see here is just the table of contents to what meeting me in person, being my friend,  and working with me is like.

Starting new projects

Winter time always seems to be slow for photographers. There's the occasional Phenom that seems to be so busy that they forgot what their name is, but for the most part this time of year is when many photographers hunker down and prepare for the dry season.

Instead of succumbing to the dry season I'll be taking advantage of the fact that I won't have as many gigs this winter. In fact, I'll be starting a few new projects to help round out my portfolio. I was flipping through my portfolio this month and discovered that most of my subjects are 18-25 year-olds with the occasional subject being late 20's. I've decided that I need to change that. Starting very soon I'll focus my efforts on the 30-50 year-old demographic; perhaps highlighting a personality trait that helps identify them. Soon after I'm satisfied with my results, I'll focus on retirees and what they've accomplished thus far. It should be a fun project that helps me expand my portfolio and add some interesting and noteworthy content to my portfolio and give these subjects some great photos to share with their friends and family.

If you happen to know someone in the 30-50 demographic, let me know. I'd love to make a portrait of them. I've recently written an ad to put on Craigslist, but starting with my followers (all 3 of you) seems like a good place to get my feet wet.

I've got to get to bed. I have a shoot Saturday morning. Last time I didn't get enough sleep I had to drink so much tea I swore I spent more time in the bathroom than I did shooting.... ;-)