The Way

It's been an interesting month so far:

I've made other people happy, and others sad.
I, myself have been happy and I've been sad.
I've been accused of things I did and didn't do.
I've made money and lost money.
My "day job" is getting shaky again; I've looked for new employment.
My camera has been relatively silent this month.

I sincerely think it's been one of the biggest up and down months I've had in a while. I think my mind, body, and spirit have been left confused and weary over it. Last week I cried....for seemingly no reason, yet every reason at the same time. Really it tells me that I'm not sleeping enough. The mind does funny things when you work it too hard.

I suppose the anniversary of starting my photography business should have been this huge event for me, but all it really did was confirm that I made it to one year. I just keep thinking forward to 30 more years of doing what I'm doing and I'm super stoked that I've made it.... this far. As I look ahead I realize I have a long way to go. I need people to know who I am and what I can do. I need to not come off as some arrogant ass that speaks from an air of authority, but I need to appear confident. It's a hard line to walk. Other photographers will knock you down if you talk a big game, but clients don't want a photographers that says,"I hope I don't screw up your job today!" Both of those things will keep you from getting work.

I've never aspired to be a world-renowned photographer like Chase Jarvis or Annie Leibovitz. I just want to be a photographer than can pay his bills and give his family nice things, give back to the community, and just be myself. Some say that you should "shoot for the moon" and I can hardly agree with that. Aim for something you know you can reach and then shoot just out of reach. I aimed to make my business last 6 months and I made it to 1 year. Now I'm aiming for 2 years and hoping that I hit 3.

I know that I am exactly where I'm supposed to be right now. I've taken exactly how long I needed to take and stumbled where I've needed to stumble. I'm sure that next year's post will have the same amount of navel gazing, but I'm hoping my vision is more clear, but knowing life it probably won't be any more clear. Working for yourself is incredibly relieving and incredibly scary at the same time. It's not safe like am 9-5 job where someone else worries for the company. Working for yourself is all you.

I'm feeling the itch to go work on some stuff for ME again. Maybe I'll go play in the mud for a bit.