September 11, 2001

I still remember where I was on September 11, 2001: I lived in Greeley, CO at that time. I remember coming downstairs after sleeping in late and saying "Good Morning" to my roommate, Chris.

He said,"Turn on the news."

I asked,"What channel?"

He replied,"It doesn't matter."

For the next week I watched the news almost non-stop. I could sleep, but it was never restful. I could eat but nothing tasted good. I went to class, but I wasn't present. The experience of "9/11" as it's come to be known commonly had happened thousands of miles away, but it felt like it happened just down the street from me.

I felt for the victims of 9/11 the only way that I knew how. It's impossible for me, even now, to properly empathize with those directly and irrevocably affected by 9/11. I can't imagine losing a loved one as instantly as they did, let alone as gruesomely.

As the years passed since that fateful day, I accepted the idea that terrorists hijacked planes with hundreds of people on board and flew them at top speed into buildings with thousands of people inside and that those buildings were severely damaged or destroyed. Thousands of people died needlessly. Firefighters, Police, and Rescue Crews died attempting to save those lives. Some of them are still dying slowly today from toxins in the air during the experience. I accepted it because we all saw it on tv, but earlier this year as the 10-year anniversary of the event drew near I had an Orson Welles / War Of The Worlds moment: I hadn't realized that it might not be the truth; That it might be a radio drama. I saw something that made me not believe the commonly held idea anymore. Not 100% anyway.

Little-by-little I believed less and less in the idea. After an eight-hour time vortex lost into the abyss of YouTube, I found myself thinking differently. Suddenly, after all this time, I no longer accepted the commonly held idea anymore. Now, all I knew is that buildings with thousands of people in them were severely damaged or destroyed; Thousands of people died needlessly. Firefighters, Police, and Rescue Crews died attempting to save those lives. Some of them are still dying slowly today from toxins in the air during the experience.

I told my wife what I had been doing for the passed 8 hours while she was at work and she looked at me like I was a complete lunatic. Then I showed her what I has seen...

Then I said,"It's not that it didn't happen... it's that it's plausible that it didn't happen the way we've been lead to believe." Immediately she understood why I was telling her what I had found.

She knew at that moment that I was scared. Scared that we were trapped. Lied to. Cheated on. Betrayed, even.

I'm still scared. I'm scared that this view is so completely unpopular that I'm going to viewed as Un-Patriotic... Un-American... when the fact is that I love my country. I love the people in it. I love those that not only fight for my freedoms that I enjoy but also those that lay down their lives to ensure that I have it. I love my family and friends that have gone overseas and left their families behind to fight for my freedom. It's hard to describe exactly how much I feel I owe them for fighting for this country, for my freedom, for my family, and for me.

Now, please keep in mind that I'm not one to just stand up and start insulting people by flinging accusations around. I love a good debate as much as the next guy, but I feel like I'm accusing the government and the media of not being entirely truthful. That's an awful feeling. We live here and we're supposed to trust our government, but right now I feel like I'm having a hard time doing that. I'm not saying that it didn't happen... I'm just saying that I have questions.... I have doubts.... and I need those questions to be answered truthfully.... and I need those doubts to be resolved. I believe that enough time has passed that we can safely allow a real congressional or independent 3rd party (another country?) investigation to take place without revealing the identities of our agents in the field. The last thing I want is for anyone else to die needlessly because their cover was blown like a secret agent movie. The NIST investigation couldn't be completed successfully due to the our agents in the field and other information that, if leaked, could compromise our country's security. Enough time has passed and I think we deserve more complete answers.

Truthfully, I'm afraid of what making this post means. I'm afraid of who will judge me or think I'm another conspiracy theorist. I'm not a bad person, I just want answers... completely and truthful answers. I'm not signing petitions or going door-to-door. I'm not traveling to Washington DC and picketing on the Whitehouse lawn. I'm just sitting at home... waiting for complete and truthful answers.