The right way to handle a police stop

I thought this was worth sharing.

I successfully didn't die today

Well, I survived the day.

Why do I mention "surviving?" Well... I spent most of my waking day on this:

(Photo Courtesy of Suzuki - Here)

That's right, folks: Someone let me not only ride their motorcycle, but taught me how to ride it. The folks down at T3RG.com have Motorcycle Safety Foundation courses that teach you this stuff. Why did I take a class instead of just getting a bike and "learning" how to ride it myself in my neighborhood? Well, mostly because I'm accident prone. I make a regular habit of unintentionally shoulder-checking the wall while walking between rooms so I know full-well that I needed proper instruction on how to ride. 

The second thing I've been thinking about is what type of bike to get after I finish the riding class (and receive my DMV "M" Voucher thingy). The Super Sport bikes look like fun, don't get me wrong... I'd LOVE an old Honda CBR600, but I think I'm going to go with something easier to learn on first. 

(The Honda CBR250 is Captain America's personal choice...)

Now, I've heard all the arguments that a 600cc bike is a great starter bike and that I should skip the 250cc bikes and go right for it. But frankly, after being on a 250cc bike today I don't think a 600cc is going to be confidence-inspiring with all of the power and intimidation that it's going to bring. There's this big thing in the US that dudes ride on big bikes or they're pussies, which is why 600cc bikes are for "starting out" and 250cc bikes are for "women." Frankly, Fuck all of you that think that way and the women should probably go kick your ass and my wife will be first in line. Riding a bicycle for the first time when you were 5 was fucking scary (if you can remember that far back) and you started on a 12" Huffy before you grew into the 20", and then the 26", right? (not to mention riding preferences: road, mountain, kushy seat for your super-sized posterior, etc) So what makes you think that a motorcycle is any different? Forget the fact that you had short legs when you were 5 and all you have is a lack of experience that can scare the hell out of you. I'll be honest: it was scary trying to swerve, and turn, and NOT DIE, while I was trying to figure out what I was doing on the 250cc internal combustion BOMB between my legs.

(Yamaha FZ6R - 4 Gallons of gasoline between my legs makes for a great vasectomy)

Oh... and the other reason why I won't be starting out on a CBR600? I don't have a small penis. Which definitely means I won't be jumping to Harley Sportster 1200 either. Sorry, No Small Penis Here. (Same reason I'll never own a Ferarri)

(Great Kid! Don't get all Penis-y! - The Other Han Solo, Peter Griffin)

I'm sure that after I pass the class I'll have time to think about what bike I'm going to get for my commute and for fun, but I don't have enough experience yet to warrant thinking about a particular bike yet. Not seriously, anyway. I definitely think the look of the Super Sports are cool. The regular Sport bikes like the Yamaha FZ6R (as opposed to the YZF-R6) might be more my style since I could sit up a little better than on a Super Sport. For Cruisers: I'm only 5'7" so I would look retarded on a  Harley Road King, not to mention that I haven't earned it; Check in with me when I'm 50. 

(I can only be the King of the Road if I can actually reach the road)

The whole thing puts me in sort of a "What Now?" scenario. There's a guy at my new Day Job, "Lomax" who actually buys bikes, fixes them up, and flips them for fun. I told him what I was up to with the course and he said that there's probably something we could work out, but he suggested getting an old Yamaha Maxim or something similar between 450cc and 650cc, or even smaller, and just rock it out for a while until I actually have preferences about what I actually want. 

(Maxim the Bike, not Maxim the Magazine)

If I prefer more power? Now I know. If I prefer better handling? Now I know. If I want to pick up chics the wife and have a great night out? Now I know. But its hard to know those things when my experience amounts to the 3 miles I put on a bike while riding it in circles in a parking lot.

(Even hot chics that don't even like me my wife would want a ride.)

I just realized that I'm totally defending actions I haven't taken yet with this post.... Maybe I'll go back and put pics of motorcycles with funny captions to make it a little less... "heavy"... Maybe even apologize to those that bought a 600cc "starter bike"... Probably not though... I just happened to be aware of the small-penis-sociology thing.

Anyway, I'll try to have my cell on me tomorrow and make some pics of riding around. I didn't have it on me today since I didn't want to be distracted, but there was just enough down time that I wish I had it to make some shots of the other riders. 

Oh, and I did NOT take any of the photos in this post. They're all owned by their respective owners and I've linked back to where I got them in order to spread the love. I don't make money from blogging and I didn't profit from their work. This was totally educational. Suck it, Trebek!

I'm hot-blooded, check it and see...

Photo Challenge: For Carolina

Hello Everyone,

A while back, I challenged my good friend (and photographer) Carolina Yocom to a photo challenge during a Google+ Hangout. The challenge was something like this: Make a photo of yourself staring dead-on into the camera. The reason? She's very good at making self portraits of herself in beautifully lit poses, but never dead-on from the front. She fought with her photo, but her final portrait was excellent. You can see her photo on her blog.

In exchange, her challenge to me was this: Make a dramatic portrait of myself, but.... don't use off-camera flash. She knew what my weakness was! I light almost everything I shoot. I've spent the past year strengthening my "off-camera flash mixed with ambient light" skills, so being limited to what I could use without using off-camera was a challenge.

I fought with it for weeks...designing and redesigning the concept in my head. Tonight, I managed to capture this:

It's amazing how much you can get sick of seeing your own face while editing (for all 30 seconds that I touched this photo)... How do you feel about self-portraits?

Anyway, Caro, I hope you think I did okay. XOXO.


PS- For the photo nerds that always love to know settings for photos.... I don't know how I shot this... but I'm guessing: 1/2" @ f/8 @ ISO200. Light source is a single shop-light from the shed... probably a 100watt bulb. I dunno... I was busy.

My "State of the Video Games" address

I'll be the first to admit that I was a HUGE gamer back-in-the-day:

• I would play video games between classes
• I required that any girl I dated understand that I needed video game time
• Bonus points were awarded if she were into video games too
• Double points if she was better at the games than I was
• PC, Dreamcast, SNES, N64... they were all awesome

Then, for some reason I quit playing as often.... then I quit playing them entirely. I'm not sure if it was because I started co-creating offspring or if my wallet was more sensitive to my gaming habits. In either case, I realized recently that I hadn't played much of anything in a long time.

Caitlyn and I bought a PS2 a few years back with the intention of getting DDR and two pads so we could shake our asses together, but I had a hard time finding the dance pads. No one seemed to have them. So since we only had one pad it made for some slow gameplay. Then, the Kinect came out for XBox 360. No controllers needed, but it DID require an XBox. (damnit)

At my new Day Job, my fellow Newb, Myko, said that he had an extra XBox 360 laying around that he'd give to me. I'm all about the barter system and he mentioned that he would need some family portraits coming up soon. That sounds like a win-win to me! I owned the console for a week before I actually got a game for it: LA Noire. It's an excellent game brought to you by Rockstar Games (GTA, etc).

I'm also interested in getting a hold of Street Fighter when I get a moment.

Myko gave/lent me Soul Caliber 4 (I own SC3 on PS2) and Fable2 but I haven't cranked them up yet.

So anyway, to my point: I started looking through other games that I wanted to get into as well. I've been a HUGE fan of the Hitman Series, so that's definitely on my list. Hitman: Absolution doesn't come out until November, but it looks amazing.

I came across one game in the XBox market place that kinda left me floored. I really don't know if it's the most amazing game I've ever seen or if it's a complete waste of effing time. It's called Lollipop Chainsaw:

In any case, it looks like I'll start slowly making my way through each of these....Maybe not the Lollipop One... that might be a rental. lol

Have any thoughts on what games I should try out? Leave them in a comment below.

An Unfortunate Truth

Above is a photo from my latest shoot that I booked. I really think this one speaks to a lot of us in the photo industry... Clients, Artists, Photographers....

No, there's nothing wrong with your browser. There really is nothing in that photo.

Here's why:

I had a lovely woman book a boudoir shoot with me recently. She was so excited to book a boudoir shoot for her dude that the opportunity had both of us spinning with ideas. She had seen some of my previous work that I had done for a friend of hers and just wanted me to create something unique for her. She trusted me to be a badass photographer and make something beautiful, classy, and artistic. She was, in my mind, the perfect client.

Then, her dude caught wind of the shoot that we had booked... and was furious. The same shoot that she wanted to do for HIM and he was furious. Why? Jealousy. He insisted that I, as a male photographer, was going to sleep with my client and was using "being a photographer" as an excuse to get into the lady's pants. When my client let me know about the argument I was crushed. There are many MANY things wrong with this scenario that I'll apply generally across the board:

1. I have a wife a three kids, whom I love and cherish. Do you honestly think I'm going to ruin the life I've been working on to sleep with your wife/girlfriend?
2. Exactly how confident are you in your relationship with your wife/girlfriend that you don't trust anyone (men/women) to be around her?
3. This boudoir session was a gift to you for being awesome to her and for supporting her through everything that you've been through together and you react so negatively to it. Do you think she'll want to do anything nice for you in the foreseeable future?
4. The "I got a camera, I'll take naked pictures of you... Ain't no way I'll let some sex-hungry asshole take pictures of you...Go Arkansas!" argument makes you look like a fucking moron. Yes. F-U-C-K-I-N-G   M-O-R-O-N. I'm a professional photographer... and I make a living with the skills that I've been honing for years. You could have the exact same equipment I have and have no fucking clue what you're doing with it, make horrible photos, and then have your wife/girlfriend feel like shit about herself because you're too proud to hire a professional, you fucking moron. 
1. When your car is broken, you hire a mechanic.
2. When your roof needs replaced, you hire a roofer.
3. When your plumbing needs done, you hire a plumber.
4. When you need a massage, you hire a message therapist.
5. When you need your dress hemmed, you go get it altered.
6. When your computer crashes, you hire a geek.
7. When you punch a hole in the drywall cause you're drunk, you hire a drywall company.

Yes, you can learn about those things and do them yourself... You might be talented enough to follow directions in a book or on YouTube and figure it out... But there's no way to hand you experience and inside information over time that you could possibly do the job with the same expertise and quality that a professional can. When you decide that your wife/girlfriend doesn't deserve the professional treatment that an expert can provide you are devaluing her. Ask her how she feels about being devalued.

No, really. Go ask her how she feels about being devalued. I'll wait here.

Ahem.

People in general make these mistakes on a regular basis... We should consult not just one expert, but many experts, before deciding that we can do this stuff ourselves or hire that expert to do it for us. Human beings are capable of many things, but it's very difficult to master more than one thing at a time, let alone many things. 

Let the experts do their jobs. 

Let ME do MY JOB and make beautiful photos of your wife/girlfriend so that she can present them to you and spark a little romance in your life. (You do want to get laid, don't you?) If she doesn't do it for you, she might just do it for herself and not share the results of her efforts with you. Maybe she'll keep them to herself since you didn't believe that she deserved the best-possible experience. If you don't treat her how she deserves the only pictures you'll get look just like this:

/rant

(Oh, and for-the-record: JCPenney, Kmart, WalMart, and Target don't hire photographers. They hire button-pushers, interns, teenagers that took a "photo class", anyone that can check email.... Anyone that can do as their told. They aren't photographers. Anyone that takes their kids to those places obviously doesn't love their kids enough to hire a professional either. Want to support Small Business? Hire a Local, Real, Professional Photographer.)

/endrant

/rant

(Yes, I cuss. I swear. I say mean things, but I'd rather that people that know that the guy behind the camera is a real person and not some fake brown-noser out there to make a buck off of you. I would rather you not hire me because it bothers you that I cuss than run around pretending to be someone that I'm not.)

/endrant

Dude, where's my life?

Hello, all 3 of you.

Things have just been crazy lately. I started a new day job which has been taking up quite a bit of my time... Well, not so much the job... but how I've had to rearrange everything and get used to a new schedule:

6:30am - Alarm goes off... I hit the snooze button.
6:45am - My wife calls me from her work and tells me to get up.
6:50am - My mother arrives to watch the kids
7:00am - Leave for work
7:05am - Forgot my wallet, keys, brain... head back inside to collect them.
7:10am - Leave for work
7:55am - Arrive at work in Boulder
5:00pm - Leave work
6:00pm - Arrive home
6:10pm - Eat dinner with the family
6:45pm - Play a game with the kids, Usually Scrabble or Candy Land in Deutsche
7:15pm - Kids get sent to bed
7:30pm - Kids tucked in
7:35pm - Kids retucked
7:40pm - Medium-sized-kid retucked
8:00pm - Talk with the wife
8:30pm - Watch a movie or The Colbert Report with the wife
9:00pm - Wife goes to bed since she has to be up at 2:30am.
9:05pm - Work on lots of photo projects that need lots of attention
9:15pm - Realize that I don't have lots of photo projects that need lots of attention
9:30pm - Realize that I need to promote myself better so that I have more projects
9:31pm - Realize that my client base is now in bed and my opportunity to promote to them is gone for the day
9:32pm - Get depressed
9:35pm - Read about what other photographers are doing and how busy they are
10:00pm - Watch YouTube videos and Flickr streams for inspiration and entertainment
11:30pm - Android Sleep tells me it's time to go to bed

That has been my routine for weeks now. I got tired of it so I made fresh flyers to put up at King Sooper's bulletin boards and Starbucks. Made 1/4 page flyers to pepper the neighborhood around a local high school. I put myself on "sale" which is a double-edged sword; People are interested in hiring me all the time, but only jump on it when I have a special running. It lets me be busier, but it makes me feel cheap.... I hate feeling cheap. I work my ass off for less money.... Most people would quit their job if their boss told them to take a 20% paycut... That's what I do to myself when I have a "sale".... I hope my clients realize that... I love them, but it's hard to communicate how crazy things are when you own your own business instead of punching in and out for your check: When I go on "sale" I literally take a paycut.

Anyway, enough loathing: I was able to schedule a shoot with Cassie a few weeks back. That girl is awesome! We had a plan to borrow a wedding dress and go up the hill and do some sunset/bride/whatever-we-can-think-of shots. Instead, it was mucky an rainy and not what we wanted so we went to Plan B.... Plan B was to put her in a tub and cover her in black... I wanted noir and although I didn't push the noir genre at all we definitely got some cool shots out of it. One them is above, but you can check out the rest on my site: bit.ly/JCPnoirbath I hope all 3 of you like them.